Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup #131

...is up.

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER: Hypatia 370:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

An Entire WEEKEND of Star Trek

My previous post was incorrect. The National Review is running an entire weekend of Star Trek-themed articles!

I really try to avoid posting anything that's related to politics, but this is simply too good to pass up. If The Nation runs a Star Trek weekend, I'll post that, too.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Hat tip: Ace

The Failures of Picardian Foreign Policy

From The National Review:

Now the Picardians and Pelosians have become natural allies and would-be quislings in the burgeoning showdown with the Romulans. The old adage that the “Prime Directive is not a suicide pact,” means nothing to them. Would that the spirit of James Kirk (contributing editor from 2261 to 2271, we’re proud to say) could be conjured at this moment. Who among us can forget those immortal words, “Praetor Pardek tear down this neutral zone!” What would Kirk think as he watched the Federation appease the Romulans, feeding the targ one limb at a time, as the Klingons say.

The Romulans are arming Cardasia to the gills while we stand idly by watching the Bajorans get slaughtered. The Pelosians, always eager to protect tribbles wherever they happen to sprout up, turn a blind eye to the fate of actual sentient humanoids and allies. Based on the most dubious science, they are willing to place a speed limit on warp drive, but images of actual Bajorans stacked like cordwood move them not a nanometer. We have had our disagreements with Klingons and Ferengi, but we can look on with nothing but admiration as they fulfill their promises and contracts with the Bajorans while we spend our days here on Earth debating whether the entirely defunct Organian Peace Treaty applies to non-signatories of that irrelevant piece of parchment.

As Neville Chamberlain and Jaresh-Inyo learned the hard way, a treaty is only valuable if its signatories will obey it.

Previous thoughts here.

Church Life

Here's a rather profound statement by Gavin Richardson:

at its best the church is a family, at its worst the church is a family.

Dog Logic

Hat tip: Neatorama

Which Spongebob Squarepants Character Are You?

My head is throbbing from Charge Conference paperwork. How about you?

Which Spongebob character are you?

You are Patrick! You are kind of an idiot, but that doesn't slow you down one bit! Your best friend is Spongebob, and together, you two can accomplish anything!
Take this quiz!








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Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER: John Wilks:

Unfortunately, most of the budget for Iron Eagle V went directly to Mr. Gossett's head waxer.

Best Argument for Ecological Protection

I can't argue with this wisdom.

Jesus as Robin Hood

Mark Hendrickson in an essay called "The Liberal Temptation":

Christians who happen to be political liberals are fond of citing scriptural verses exhorting believers to perform charitable deeds. Indeed, there are many such verses, and they mean what they say. But what the liberals invariably fail to see is that the Bible never indicates that it is the Christian's duty to compel others to do charitable works; rather, Christians themselves are expected to do those works. There is no charity by proxy in the Bible. True charity comes from an inner, spiritual impulsion, not from outward political compulsion. That is the essential difference between Caesar and Christ.

Indeed. Christ commanded the rich young ruler to "sell all that you possess and distribute it to the poor", but he did not break into the man's house and rob him, as government does. In fact, at no point in the Gospels did Christ urge the use of government force to compel people to adopt his teachings.

This is why Hendrickson has incorrectly referred to Bible-based policy making as "the liberal temptation". It is a statist temptation, found readily among conservatives. James Dobson and Pat Robertson are conservatives who, just like their liberal counterparts, try to force their vision of Christian ethics on people by using government power.

Compulsion is the enemy of evangelism, for there is no true conversion or sanctification unless is is uncoerced. Forced virtue, Left or Right, is no virtue at all.

UPDATE: Oops! I forgot to hat tip Joe Carter for this article.

MacArthur vs. Pagitt on Christian Yoga

What do you think? Can Christians practice yoga without violating their faith?

The Simpsons and 1 Corinthians 13

The Drive-Through Church

Have It Your Way^TM



Hat tip: Andy Bryan

Caption Contest

Previous contest winners

WINNER: Allan R. Bevere:

As the hikers approached the sign, Gary's worst fears were confirmed: his ex-wife had followed him to the campground.

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup #130

...is up, thanks to the hard work of Allan Bevere. Allan writes about my post that he has graciously included:

Even though his post does not fulfill the MBWR requirement of a four paragraph minimum, I am making an exception (which, I, the keeper of the Weekly Roundup am allowed to do)

I thank Allan for making the exception. But I would remind him that supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

My New Truck

A 2007 Chevy Silverado. Pretty sweet. We found that living in our parsonage, we needed to haul dead tree branches, etc. around quite often, and borrowing trailers was a chore. And moving in stages to our parish town required renting a lot of trailers.

We were looking for a lighter, cheaper truck and went into the dealership to find a GMC Canyon or its Chevrolet equivalent, the Colorado. They were trying to get rid of this 07 model and sold it to us for the same amount that we were planning on spending on a much smaller truck. We have named her Regina.


Regina is replacing my noble steed, Red Baron -- a 1991 Buick Century. I went for two years without air conditioning down in Orlando, got it fixed for the past summer in CPE, only to have the compressor blow out last week, taking the alternator with it. He might make it around the backyard, but is not really roadworthy.

Ah, the gallant Red Baron! A mixture of refined class and rough grit. He could parade down a downtown street or haul a trailer off-road. He was a good car, and never let me down when it counted. And there were times when it really, really counted.


Sunny is, of course, thrilled about his new truck. He had seen other dogs in our small town riding around in the back of their own trucks and wanted one of his own.

UMC Liturgy for Welcoming New Members

I've been pastoring since May and I've discovered a dilemma that I hadn't expected.

We've had three new members by profession of faith, aged variously 73, 86, and 88. All three members were nominal Christians who were raised in the faith, but had spent decades out of the Church and had no membership with any local church.

When I sat down to read the liturgy for admitting new members, I couldn't find one appropriate. There are liturgies for baptizing and welcoming adult members, liturgies for baptizing infants, and liturgies for admitting teenagers after they have been confirmed in the faith.

It appears that one of the operating assumptions of these various liturgies is that once a person is baptized, that person will certainly be nurtured in the faith to full and continuous membership in local churches. The liturgy, or lack thereof, suggests implicitly that the prevenient grace of baptism is irresistible.

What we have here are people who were at some point baptized, and at some point openly professed faith in Christ, but later point drifted (but not apostatized) from local church membership.

So I cobbled together a liturgy from official UMC sources. Working from the Hymnal on p.40, I asked the first three questions under section 4. Then flipping back to p.38, I asked sections 14 through 16. This covers all of the theological bases for membership.

Does anyone else have suggestions for how to use UMC liturgy in a more straightforward manner to accommodate the admission of new members like this? I find it rather odd that the UMC does not have a clear liturgy for this situation, which strikes me as one that would occur frequently.

[cross-posted]

Favorite John Wayne Quotes

Dan Trabue is paying tribute to actor John Wayne by listing some of his best lines. And he's asking readers to submit their favorite John Wayne quotes. Here's one of mine from El Dorado (1966), when the Duke played gunfighter Cole Thornton:

Cole: Did you get him?
Mississippi: Who?
Cole: The fella that ran outta the church!
Mississippi: Well, yes and no.
Cole: Yes and no? Did you or didn't you?
Mississippi: I hit the sign, and the sign hit him.
Cole: Well, that's great.
Mississippi: He was limping when he left!
Cole: He was limping when he got here!

Admittedly, Dan has a better selection, as he chose from the Rooster Cogburn movies. These movies have less action, but more character.

The Political Theology of George W. Bush

This paper was written by the famous Methodist scholar Billy Abraham of Perkins. It defines American civil religion and explores how this is expressed in the theological worldview of George W. Bush, influenced lightly by evangelicism and United Methodism. It is a fascinating read that I am still digesting.

Check out footnote #3 while you're reading it.

Hat tip: Kurt Boemler

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER:

Mark Winter: Those who were hoping to avoid a circus at General Conference were gravely disappointed

Tom Ream: Though the results are often visibly evident, it was decided that the time had come to test for performance enhancing drugs among professional cheerleaders.

lolCthulhu

Via Neatorama

Altar Calls

For a class assignment, I went last night to a Baptist church to worship and observe how welcome the church is to visitors. At the end of the worship service, there was an altar call. The pastor called it that twice. The strange thing was -- there was no altar in the sanctuary. In fact, I can't remember ever being a Baptist church that had an altar. Which makes the Baptist practice of weekly altar calls a trifle odd. Not that there's anything wrong with inviting people to come forward in prayer. But maybe they should be called something else.

We have weekly altar calls at my church. People can come to the kneeling rail (a.k.a. "communion rail" in front of the chancel, which contains an altar.

Baby Names

Methoblogger Jim Morrow is proposing to name his unborn child after a lucky Methoblogger. I saw him last week at seminary and he's already 'showing'. I should've gotten a picture.

Head on over to Jim's blog and vote on the name of his child.

[cross-posted]

Avast, Me Mateys!

'Tis be International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Go and proclaim the Gospel to scurvy, lice-chewed dregs of the seas!

food for thought from Bishop Coyner

My bishop, Mike Coyner, wrote the following reflection "Bibs or Aprons?" and I thought it was worth sharing the bulk of it:

I was given an apron this morning at church . . . I like my new apron, and I especially like the reminder that we don’t go to church just to be fed (that would mean we all wear bibs to church), but we go to church to learn how to feed and serve others (hence the apron). Certainly all of us have times when need to be fed, nourished, supported by prayer, and cared for. Church must be a place where all of us receive God’s grace when we need it. But if we stop there – only asking, “What’s in it for me?” – then we buy into the consumer mentality of our culture, and we make church into just another place where we shop for our favorite treatment and service. . . So, how about your church? Are you giving people bibs or aprons? And how about you? Are you looking for a spoon-fed faith and consumer religion which caters to your needs? Or are you seeking a life of love and service and sacrifice which might lead all the way to the Cross? Which will it be – bibs or aprons?

You can read the slightly longer piece here.

Israelites Sue God for Breach of Covenant

NEW YORK–Attorneys representing the Tribe of Abraham filed suit against God in New York's Southern District Court Monday, citing 117 specific instances of breach of covenant.

The Israelites are seeking $4.2 trillion in punitive and compensatory damages.

"My client, the Children of Israel, entered into this covenant with the Defendant in good faith. They were assured, in writing, that in exchange for their exclusive worship of Him, they would be designated His chosen people and, as such, would enjoy His divine protection and guidance for eternity," said Marvin Sachs, the Manhattan attorney bringing the suit on behalf of the Israelites. "Yet, practically from the moment this covenant was signed, the Defendant has exhibited a blatant and willful disregard for its terms."

Story Link

Can Christians Legitimately Pray for Victory in War?

Mitch Lewis, a US Army chaplain writes:

I don’t see why not. Like squabbling children who cry out “Dad” or “Mom,” we’ll both take our cases before the Lord. In God’s wisdom, mercy and love, God will settle the matter as God sees fit.

The fact that we are praying for success in an enterprise that costs lives shouldn’t stop us from praying for its success. As I wrote in Like David, “How can I participate in something that I cannot ask God to bless?”

So, I’ll pray today for the Iraqi and coalition forces that are fighting on behalf of peace in Iraq. Like others, I’ll be praying for peace and protection of the innocent. I’ll also pray for victory in tactical operations and success in the larger campaign. I’ll not only pray for the safety of our Soldiers and Marines, I’ll pray for the accomplishment of their mission. I’ll not only pray for the healing of minds, bodies and communities, but – like Origen – I’ll pray that “whatever is opposed to those who act righteously may be destroyed!”

What do you think? Can a Christian pray for victory?

Church Growth Ideas

Hat tip: John Fletcher

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 129

...is up.

Caption Contest

Previous contest winners

WINNER: DannyG:

It is sad to see how far Long John Silver's has come from its roots!

Young Clergy

In a way, I like being referred to as 'young', including in the sense as a 'young pastor', but like Will Deuel, I find the appellation a bit odd:

All of that adds up to one simple fact: I was commissioned as a probationary Elder just a couple of months prior to my 39th birthday. The irony is that while I was at the district picnic more than one person commented, “You’re a pastor? You’re a young pastor!”

To quote Chris Rock, “Forty isn’t young. Forty is only young if you die when you’re forty.”

If I’m thought of as a young pastor at 39, there’s a problem in the church. I am a youthful 39, but I’m still 39.

The Starter Husband

A MSN article examines the increasing depiction of marriage as an experimental activity with no real committments:

For some, a starter husband is like a starter home — a semi-commitment where you're willing to do some of the surface work, like painting the walls, but not the heavy lifting, like gutting the whole foundation; he's just not a long-term investment. Others compare a starter husband to a first job, where you learn some skills and polish your resume before going after the position you really want.

In our everyday life — one where we're encouraged to pursue the bigger, better anything (witness the average college grad who now burns through seven jobs before turning 30) — how can you commit to something, or someone, forever? "That's a huge promise. We live in an incredibly fast-paced consumerist culture," says Pamela Paul, author of the book The Starter Marriage, who herself was divorced less than a year after taking her vows at age 27. "Ours is an H&M culture, where you go out and buy 10 cheap items for the season, then toss them, rather than investing in one beautiful coat you'll wear for another 10 seasons. More and more women have that throwaway mentality with their first marriage — the 'I want it now' attitude." Until, of course, you don't.

And that's just our prerogative, says Generation Me, fingers poised above the do-over button. We can pick and choose among limitless possibilities seemingly unattached to consequence because today's 20-somethings are living out an extended adolescence in a manner unlike any generation before them. We're still knocking around and figuring it out, often on our parents' dime.

Helen Smith responds:

A man is not a car and anyone who compares a human being to an object this way has more issues than I care to discuss in a blog post. I realize these self-centered articles and books such as The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony are fun to write and really make women feel "empowered" to act in the same manner as the sexist men of yesteryear who spoke of women like chattels. But in reality, women who use men for starter husbands are the opposite of empowered--they are the archetype of the weak female: afraid to say no, afraid of independence and afraid to be unmarried in their 20's. Yeah, the "you go girl" movement has really done a lot for these women--and reinventing marriage in this way is not empowerment of a new sort, it is just a new twist on an old theme, leaving a lover with a broken heart.

Hat tip: Glenn Reynolds

The 10 Worst Things To Do During a Zombie Outbreak

One from a list:

Don't get too creative with zombie defense.
Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!

Don't get all Ash on the undead. Just do what you need to do to methodically contain and wipe out a zombie infestation. The KISS rule applies to all areas of life, including surviving zombie attacks.

Hat tip: Neatorama

In Praise of the Smurfs

When I was a little boy, the greatest cartoon on the air was The Smurfs. These little blue characters were created by the Belgian comic book artist Peyo in 1958 and made into an animated series in 1965 and a movie in 1976. Imported to America, The Smurfs (a.k.a Smurfs' Adventures) premiered in 1981 and ran for ten seasons, producing 421 episodes of Smurfy goodness.

I had other favorites as a child, mostly manly, robotly fighting shows cartoons like Voltron: Defender of the Universe, Transformers, and He-Man: Masters of the Universe. These appealed to my dormant testosterone and thirst for adventure. But The Smurfs was different. Though not utopianist, it depicted a world that should be, and I think that even at that young age, the Smurfy world was an ideal world.

I've occasionally watched The Smurfs since my childhood, and enjoyed it almost as much as I did then. Not many children's cartoons have that kind of staying power, but The Smurfs was always exceptional.

It is very much a 'family values' show. The Smurf village is a loving, inclusive community that cares for individuals despite their faults (e.g. Lazy Smurf, Stinky Smurf, Scaredy Smurf). Like most children's television, The Smurfs attempted to contribute to the moral development of its viewers, but always did so in a way that was not overbearing or cheesy, nor were the values political, but interpersonal. The Smurfs had simple messages, like if you have a pet, take care of it. Face down your fears. If you commit to doing a task, do it. People who are different from you aren't necessarily bad or ugly. In the midst of children's television that pushed environmental or victimization agendas, The Smurfs was a breath of fresh, non-political air.

The Smurfs accomplished this in a thoughtfully-crafted show. The voice acting was superb, and the animation clean, neat, and detailed for an American production. The scoring was excellent and well-chosen from the classical tradition, like Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. The scripts were clearly written for children (The Smurfs cannot be said to be written at two levels), but the writing was not sloppy because only children would be watching it.

It is, in short, a fine show of enduring quality, both of the technical and of the moral. The Smurfs continue as icons of the 80s because we yearn for the peaceful, Smurfy lifestyle for ourselves. The Smurfs are, in that way, eternal.

Here, enjoy some Smurfy goodness:

My Smurfy Valentine:

Powered by AOL Video

Sir Hefty:

Powered by AOL Video

The Darkness Monster:


The Crying Smurfs:


Brainy Smurf, Friend to All Animals:


Dr. Evil and Mr. Nice:


Jokey's Funny Bone:


All That Glitters Isn't Smurf:


Can't Smurf the Music:

The Return of the Queen

Olive Morgan (profiled here), the oldest Methoblogger at 86, has returned. Welcome home, Olive.

Caption Contest

Picture via Neatorama

Previous contest winner

WINNERS:

Mark Winter: "Patronus? Mere child's play! If Harry could only discover the power of the Force!"

John Battern: Though Harry's adventures were exciting, Vader mind wandered as he contemplated where he could come up with $2,500 to purchase the girl of his dreams. (inside joke-ed.)

Book Review: Settling Accounts: In At The Death by Harry Turtledove

This novel is the last in Harry Turtledove's eleven-volume alternate history of America. The point of departure was 1862, when the South defeated the Union army at the Battle of Antietam, and thence the War of Secession. The U.S. and the Confederacy then went to war again in 1881, which again ended in a Southern victory, largely due to incompetent U.S. leadership.

The Great War pitted the U.S., Germany, Austria-Hungary, and the Ottoman Empire against the Confederacy, Britain, France, and Russia. The Central Powers crushed their enemies in the war, but the seeds of violence germinated throughout the 1920s and 30s, especially under fascist governments in France and the Confederacy.

A confused and defeated Confederacy fell under the spell of the maniacal fascist leader Jake Featherstone, who secretly re-armed the Confederacy all while promising the foolish, pacifistic government of the U.S. that his intentions were peaceful. As a result, his armies almost reached Cleveland before the U.S. turned the tide at the Battle of Pittsburgh.

Settling Accounts: In at the Death begins in 1943, while the Confederacy is in its death throws. But the war is not over yet, as all of the major powers are racing to develop atomic weaponry before their enemies do.

At the end of the last book in the series, the U.S. Army captured a Confederate death camp outside of Snyder, Texas, which was part of a systematic campaign to exterminate the South's Black population. More than eight million Confederate Blacks were murdered in such facilities, and this book addresses the reactions that follow: shock, horror, outrage, indifference, and praise.

I've long enjoyed Harry Turtledove's alternate histories, largely because he produced them in such quantity and they were historically plausible (unlike, for example, the preposterous 1901). He is a Ph.D. trained historian, which is of enormous benefit to the composition of these works. However, he had been slow to develop as a novelist. This book is a marked improvement in his skills in character development, dialogue, and the other elements of skilled wordcraft for fiction.

Grade: A-

Bride Selling

This morning, I wrote about a website that sells teenager brides to...well, presumably men who want to marry teenage girls (legal in some states; probably Arkansas or West Virginia, I guess). Richard Hall wrote about this business, leading to this comment by Kim Fibricious:

Does anyone have $20K I can borrow?

Kim (male) has a point. The girls are rather pricey, ranging from about $100,000 to $6,000. The capitalist in me looked at these prices and said "Hey, I can beat those prices!"

Here's what I'm offering on the market, starting today. Leave your 'proposals' in the comments:

Name: Beth
Age: 28
Location: Northeast
Bride Price: $2,500 or best offer

Beth is good at book larnin' and knows the Bible from cover to cover. She's a good cook and seamstress and is ready to settle down with a good man who needs looking after.

How I Spent This 9/11

I went to a memorial luncheon at the local VFW. A large crowd turned out to honor our heroes and mourn the dead.

How about you? How did you mark this solemn day?

Barbarism is Okay So As Long as It's in the Bible

I guess that that's the basic message of this disturbing website.

Hat tip: Gavin Richardson

UPDATE: Any lawyers reading this blog? Is this not illegal? This looks like enslavement and child exploitation for financial gain.

I notice that the site links to a Watchtower site. I wonder if this is a Jehovah's Witnesses operation.

SECOND UPDATE: This site may be a joke. Read the testimonials.

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER: John Battern:

This isn't quite what the Staff Parish Relations Committee had in mind when Pastor Jane agreed to be open to "constructive criticism."

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup #128

...is up. Allan awarded me the Best of the Methodist Blogosphere. Thanks, Allan!

How Did Your Blog Get Its Name?

Gavin Richardson over at The Methoblog asks that question.

I had for a long time put off starting up a blog, even though I had been reading them since The Corner debuted in 2001. Then, on a whim, I decided that it was time to create a blog. It was 11 PM and I was already in bed, but I got up, pulled up Blogger.com, and started to work.

I needed a name, and I wanted mine to be derivative of the Bible. But all the good ones were taken. If I had it to do all over again, I would have chosen Strangely Warmed in reference to a John Wesley quotation. That would have served a theological purpose as well as been weird enough to reflect my personality and interests to those unfamiliar with the phrase.

But alas, I didn't think of that one at the time, and all of the good names were taken. So my wife, trying to get some sleep, called out "How about Locusts and Honey?" That name was not taken, so I selected it.

Thus my media empire was born.

How about you? How did your blog get its name?

Many Versions of Bolero

The ballet Bolero is, in my opinion, the most romantic piece of music ever created. Here is a blog post full of different versions of Maurice Ravel's masterpiece. My favorite is the orchestral version:

Part 1:


Part 2:


There are other versions listed as well, including a jazzy Frank Zappa take on this piece.

Hat tip: Neatorama

Caption Contest

Previous contest winners

WINNER:

Brett Royal: Some parents take their kids to tour the jail to scare them into getting their act together. Chickens take it a step further.

I Want a Pastor Who Can Take Me in a Fight

Why don't men go to church? Pete Rollins:

His groundbreaking theory devastates the various secularisation theories currently on offer by pointing out that the reason why most guys don't go to church is because 'they could take the pastor and can't respect a guy in a lemon-yellow sweater, sipping decaf and talking about his feelings'.

Hat tip: Gavin Richardson

UPDATE: Henry Neufeld dishes out a big serving of whupass in response:

Well, let me suggest something just as blunt: If you determine whether someone is worth listening to based on whether you could take him in a fight, if you despise someone because they wear a lemon-yellow sweater, sip decaf, or talk about their feelings, then you need to seriously reexamine both your intellectual and your spiritual life.

They Tried To Make Me Go to Jihad, But I Said No, No, No!

It's a parody of Amy Winehouse's song Rehab. Which, in spite of Winehouse's bizarre and disfunctional lifestyle, is a great piece of music. I really like her use of the saxophone:


Via Ace

West Side Story as a Zombie Movie

Hat tip: Neatorama

Methodist Blogger Profile: Brian Vinson

Brian Vinson of Your Brother, The Thief

Though I blog under the name “the Thief” it’s not to be anonymous – that would be silly, as my blog address has my real name in it. I’m Brian Vinson, I am married to Tara, and we have two sons, Jonathan and Andrew (ages 3 and 1). I grew up in Kokomo, Indiana and I have lived in Illinois, Kentucky, and Ohio. I have degrees from Northwestern University and Asbury Theological Seminary. Though I was ordained in the Christian Church (at Southland Christian Church in Lexington, KY, I am now an Elder in the West Ohio Conference of the UMC. I currently serve in the Northwest Plains District – in the NW corner of the state, where I live in New Knoxville, a bodaciously small town. I serve the New Knoxville UMC and help coach soccer at the local high school.

Why do you blog?

I have all sorts of reasons for blogging – I’m a verbal processor and sometimes I just need to get something out so I can think more about it. It used to be for complaining, but I’ve become a little more careful about what I post. Also, because I live so far from my family and friends, it’s also a way for me to keep them updated on what’s going on. Plus I’ve always liked the idea of keeping a journal, but I’m such a non-private person that I actually like that people read mine.

What has been your best blogging experience?

Meeting people. I was at our West Ohio clergy session in Columbus and all of a sudden I heard someone shout, “Thief!” It was Bryan Bucher, of From Bryan’s Office, and though I already considered him a friend (I’d been reading his blog for a while), that was the first time we’d met face to face.

What would be your main advice to a novice blogger?

Don’t worry about how many comments you get or how many hits your blog gets. Just write about whatever you want to write about; it’s your blog!

If you only had time to read three blogs a day, what would they be?

I read my blogs on Google Reader, so it doesn’t take me long, and a couple of my favorite bloggers don’t blog enough to need to read them every day (“Grace Makes Beauty” - http://gracemakesbeauty.blogspot.com/), my brother’s excellent blog “Confederacy of a Dunce” http://newpics.org/david/ and my sister’s “Call it What You Want” http://newpics.org/jenny/ ), but the ones I read as fast as I can anyway are “From Bryan’s Office” http://bryansoffice.blogspot.com/ (a fellow West Ohio UMC pastor), “Perry Noble dot com” http://www.perrynoble.com/ (pastor of NewSpring Church), and the “Wittenburg Blog” http://www.wittenburgblog.com/ - the blogging arm of the Wittenburg Door Magazine.

Who are your spiritual heroes?

Philip Yancey – I love the way he can express the things I was thinking about. Henri Nouwen – he lived the struggle and his book The Return of the Prodigal Son completely captivated me. Chris Kiesling – he was the one of my seminary professors who seemed to take a real interest in me – not only in my academic progress, but in my soul.

What are you reading at the moment?

I just finished Erwin Raphael McManus’ An Unstoppable Force, and I thought it was one of the most important books I’ve read. I’m also trying to work my way through C.D.F. Moule'’ The Birth of the New Testament, which is, well, a bit scholarly for pleasure reading. I, of course, mean that in the best possible way.

What is your favorite hymn and why?

How Great is Our God, by Chris Tomlin might be my favorite hymn. I like a lot of the new hymns that have been composed in the last ten years – since Christian songwriters started to write theologically significant songs again.

Can you name a major moral, political, or intellectual issue on which you've ever changed your mind?

I used to be an absolute literalist when it came to reading the Bible, but I’ve come to understand that the Bible is a compilation of all sorts of genres of literature, and some literature (poetry, for example) was never meant to be read as a scientific statement.

What philosophical thesis do you think is most important to combat?

Relativism – either all roads lead to God, or Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the Father except through him. It can’t be both.

If you could effect one major change in the governing of your country, what would it be?

Party politics. It isn’t about representative democracy anymore – it’s about marching to the party drum. The hatred that I see spewed from right to left and left to right disgusts me, but a vote for a third party candidate is a wasted vote. And a politician who doesn’t march the party cadence gets blackballed pretty quickly. I can’t count, so I’ll add that the way lobby money buys candidates (and/or adds pork to bills) is pretty disgusting as well.

If you could effect one major policy change in the United Methodist Church, what would it be?

Does I have to keep it to one? If so, I’d eliminate guaranteed appointments. (By the way, I’d also eliminate the life-long episcopal appointments while I was at it).

What would be your most important piece of advice about life?

Don’t take yourself so seriously!

What, if anything, do you worry about?

I worry about failure.

If you were to relive your life to this point, is there anything that you'd do differently?

Yes. I would have lived out my faith more openly and more boldly in high school and when I started in college. There were too many people in those years I could have affected for Christ that I missed out on.

Where would you most like to live (other than where you do now)?
That “other than where you do now” pretty well sums it up, wouldn’t you say? My wife and I wanted to move to St. George, Utah. It’s got to be the ultimate place for a backpacker/hiker to live. There are so many places I want to visit, but I don’t know that I want to live there. All I ask for is some pick-up soccer and some places for my wife to play violin. Is that too much to ask?

What do you like doing in your spare time?

If you’re talking about spare time as in “when I’m not at work” then I’m either coaching soccer (I’m the Varsity Assistant soccer coach for the local high school team) or I’m spending time with my family – which I try to do exclusively on my day off. We go to the park or to a zoo or the Boonshoft Discovery Museum in Dayton. The problem is that there’s not much to do in the corner of Ohio where I live, so we have to drive a long way... If you’re talking about “me-time”, I play soccer weekly, I play basketball at noon with some guys who are not from my church, and I go running – I had a life goal of running a marathon, which I accomplished last October and again this past April – but you can’t train for a marathon until you’ve forgotten the last one, and I haven’t forgotten that last one yet.

What is your most treasured possession?

I’m really not too into “stuff” but some things I considered saying were my wedding ring (the only jewelry I’ve worn consistently since I lost the earrings), my soccer ball (but I can play with a different one and it doesn’t matter), my Palm Pilot (which I’ve had since 2001), but it comes down as a toss-up between my guitar (Fender Stratocaster American Deluxe) and my blanket (I sleep with the same blanket every night and have for the past, oh, 15 years or so. I take it everywhere – if I’m going to stay over night, I bring my blanket).

What talent would you most like to have?

I would like to be a great listener.

If you could have any three guests, past or present, to dinner, who would they be?

Philip Yancey, because he asks great questions, Michael Pritzl (frontman for the Violet Burning), because he’s the most unpretentious rock-n-roll star I’ve ever met, and Pelé, because he’s the all-time king of soccer.

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNERS:

DannyG: There was a time when giants walked among us, especially in the morning before the first cup of coffee.

Jeff the Baptist: They had a lot of fun until Shaq came back for his missing slippers...

The Separation of Church and the Predatory State

A United Methodist camp in Ocean Grove, New Jersey has been the scene of another of the denomination's recent sexuality wars. The camp is composed of a highly-developed beachfront area south of New York City featuring restaurants and shops in space leased out by the Methodist organization governing the property. Several months ago, a lesbian couple attempted to secure a pavilion for a civil union commitment ceremony and were turned down by the camp organization due to their sexual orientation.

The couple responded by filing a complaint with a state agency, claiming that the decision violated state laws about discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Supporters have argued that the camp has received large sums of state and federal funding for economic development and therefore must abide by government standards on discrimination. They have also argued that the camp must be open to the public if it is to continue to qualify for a large tax exemption from New Jersey's environmental protection agency.

Last week, a Federal judge handed down an injunction against the state, prohibiting New Jersey from continuing its investigation on whether or not the camp violated anti-discrimination laws.

This dispute teaches us about the voracious, predatory nature of the state. When a church is foolish enough to take funding from the state, it is opening itself up to entanglement by government power. I have heard it said that drug dealers often offer narcotics to non-users for free...in the hope that they may later become addicted and subject to the great demands of the drug dealers. Such is the behavior of government. As Washington said, "Government is not reason, it is not eloquence, it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master." The end result of churches taking government money is churches becoming controlled by the government. The Ocean Grove Camp Association should never have accepted government funding, nor a special tax exemption for land usage, and is now paying the price for its foolhardiness.

There are, however, attacks that this organization could not have protected itself from. Churches cannot prevent doctrine from being decided in civil courts if the courts force their way into what are entirely internal decisions of religious bodies. This is a horrendous abuse of government power which does indeed violate, as the defendants argue, the First Amendment. Nevertheless, we can expect that some gay rights advocates will use whatever means at their disposal to push their agenda through mainline denominations. That's why I predict that within two years, there will be a successful suit in civil court against United Methodist standards for ordination with regards to sexual orientation.

To those United Methodists who support the legal action against the camp, I say: beware of making use of government power. Just because the state is your friend today does not mean that it will be tomorrow. A government powerful enough to force doctrinal changes on your church that you like is powerful enough to make doctrinal changes that you won't like.

Comprehension

Jeff the Baptist on language:

Should I become God Emperor of the Universe, I intend to make edicts to repair some of the great injustices in the World. My first law will be that laws applying to the general populace shall be written in a manner and language that is easily understandable by the general populace. This isn't hard to do, you just grab a bunch of congressional pages (who generally are in the middle of their college education), give them copies of proposed legislation, and ask them whether they can understand it. If not, you must rewrite it. Exceptions would be made for technical regulations which apply to professionals in a given field and not to the general populace as a whole.

There was a short-lived TV drama on a few years ago about a young and dashing US Senator. His first legislative act was to write a bill that would require all members of Congress to do their own personal income taxes themselves and without assistance. I really liked the idea. I'm sure that the tax code would be reduced to one-tenth of its length within a year of the passage of such a law.

I also like the idea of requiring members of Congress to read every word of every piece of legislation that they vote in favor of. Legislative activity would grind to almost a complete halt.

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup #127

...is up. And I thank Allan for including me even though I forgot to e-mail him my submission.

A Chicken Version of Law & Order

Almost indistinguishable from the human version.

Daughter update

John,

My apologies for the gratitious daughter picture. Hope you don't mind . . .

My wife is thinking about starting a blog and wanted to see how long it took to upload pictures of our daughter on our dialup connection. So, here's a picture of our beautiful daughter, Maria.