Top Locusts & Honey Posts of 2007

• A Modified Two-Source Hypothesis for the Synoptic Gospels



• Art Appreciation and Christian Values



• Which Methoblogger Are You?



• Methodist Pick-Up Lines



• Two Cheers for Humanism!



• Doping Scandal Sends Shockwaves Through United Methodist Candidacy Process



• Proof for Intelligent Design



• Locusts & Honey Investigative Reports: Asbury Theological Seminary Completely Unprepared for Full-Scale Zombie Attack

You can read more top posts from the whole Methoblogosphere over at The Methoblog. Thanks to Gavin Richardson for his hard work compiling them.

Relax....

Via Gavin Richardson

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!

The current issue of Circuit Rider is focused entirely on the most recent Ministry Study, which addressed how United Methodism conceptualizes clergy. Among the issues that it addresses are the administration of the sacraments by licensed local pastors.

Circuit Rider is filled with alarmist, Chicken Little-style articles that suggest that the UMC is in a shattering crisis because of the sacramental authority of licensed local pastors. In fact, Jerome King Del Pino calls it an "identity crisis". Thomas Edward Frank even calls into question the legitimacy of the denomination with an article ominously titled "Is United Methodism Even A Church?" Frank writes:

We cannot afford to go on like this; a movement that is "playing church."

The most agitated Elder writing is Robert F. Kohler, who blames the UMC's numerical decline on licensed local pastors:

Although the numerical decline in elders is well documented and parallels the decline in the number of church members, these statistics do not tell the whole story. It is not the decline in numbers but the erosion of leadership and a sense of purpose that is at the heart of the decline.

Kohler misses the old days, when elders were revered and their authority unquestioned:

When I was ordained as an elder in 1967, I was welcomed into conference membership by the assistant to the bishop who said to me, "You are now a part of the greatest community of church leaders you will ever know."

Kohler laments the decline of elder privilege:

Elders do sense a loss of uniqueness, if not authority, within the annual conference. Local pastors outnumber elders in an increasing number of annual conferences. Deacons increasingly are assuming the sacramental roles of elders and licensed local pastors in the local church and in extension ministry. Increasingly elders are asking why.

Puh-leeze! Sacramental leadership by licensed local pastors is among the least of our problems. It can be credibly argued from a theological perspective that only ordained elders in full connection should administer the sacraments. But these articles aren't arguing on that basis (none of the three quote the Bible even once). These elders are lamenting a loss of prestige.

If the Order of Elders wants to have sole authority to administer the sacraments, you're welcome to it. By the way, my church has Holy Communion on the first Sunday of every month. And we're about to start a midweek Communion service on Tuesday nights. I expect you to be there, Dr. Kohler, to offer my people Holy Communion. As I wrote a while back:

If the General Conference considers legislation that restricts sacramental authority to Elders, I have no objection so as long as that same legislation also places the responsibility of providing the sacraments entirely on the Order of Elders.

Absent such explicit responsibility on Elders, we shall see more degradation of Holy Communion as Kurt relates. His experiences include having the elements blessed retroactively, having them blessed over the telephone, and having them blessed after being left on an elder's doorstep. How, I ask, is this somehow more reverent treatment of Holy Communion than Dan Trabue's experience of laypeople leading the Eucharist? How is God honored by a blessing of this sort?

I further ask the Elders who think that only they should serve the sacraments: are you willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that everyone who wants them has access? Because if not, then we should not move forward with this proposal.

UPDATE: Related thoughts from John Meunier and Brian Vinson. The latter writes:

Am I allowed to use my blog to call someone a pompous windbag?

Reblogged: The Wedding at Cana

With Rev. Rowan Atkinson.

[YouTube Link]

Vote: Zombie for President

Via Zombie Freak

New Favorite Hymns

Selecting hymns over the past seven months as the pastor of a church has given me far greater familiarity with The United Methodist Hymnal than ever before. Here are a few that I have gained a great appreciation for. These take into account how well known they are to the congregation and how easily sung they are. As our pianist learned to play the piano in order to provide music for our church and has a very busy schedule, I try to avoid very musically complex pieces

#361 Rock of Ages
This 1776 hymn by Augustus M. Toplady is saturated with good theology. It strongly emphasizes total depravity, free grace, and unmerited atonement. For example, verse two reads:

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's demands;
could my zeal no respite know,
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

#127 Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
An old Welsh hymn by William Williams, it was translated into English in 1771. The tune was known to my congregation (the same as 577 God of Grace and God of Glory), but the words were not. I often include it in sermons about the providential love of God for humanity. The first verse reads:

Guide me, O thou great Jehovah
pilgrim through this barren land.
I am week, but thou are mighty;
hold me with thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
feed me till I want no more;
feed me till I want no more.

#568 Christ for the World We Sing
Initially, there was no missional hymn in the church's repertoire. Looking through those available, I selected this one because of its well-expressed ecclesiology and musical simplicity. It is a great anthem of the purpose of the Church: to build the Kingdom of God on Earth. The first verse of the 1869 hymn by Samuel Wolcott reads:

Christ for the world we sing,
the world to Christ we bring,
with loving zeal;
the poor and them that mourn
sin-sick and sorrow-worn,
the faint and overborn
whom Christ doth heal.

What are your favorite hymns, and why?

UPDATE: Lyrics to the last hymn corrected.

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER: Mark Winter:

How God would have appeared to Moses in the postmodern age

What Would It Be Like If Jesus Was In An Action Movie With Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Probably a question that Dan Trabue asks himself daily.

[YouTube Link] HT: Gavin Richardson

I'm Not Really Sure What This Is, But It Involves Bearded Nuns, Handel's Hallelujah Chorus, and Flashcards

[YouTube Link] Hat tip: Gord

My Favorite Christmas Carol: Christmas Tauntauns

[YouTube Link]
Well, that and Silent Night.

Breakdancing Nativity

[YouTube Link] Loosey-goosey paraphrases like The Message inevitably lead to things like this.

HT: Jim Parsons

Methods of Baptism

Scotte Hodel:

Thanks to the remnants of Hurricane Humberto, I discovered on my motorcycle ride home Thurs and Friday of last week that there is precious little difference between sprinkling and immersion.

What Is Your Favorite Charles Wesley Hymn?

A poll by Richard Hall.

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 141

...is up.

Female Pastors Earn More than Male Pastors

According to this study.

Film Review: I Am Legend

I Am Legend (2007) starring Will Smith, is a zombie movie. It focuses on U.S. Army virologist Lt.Col. Dr. Robert Neville, who is alone in an empty New York City three years after a mutating virus exterminated the human race.

The virus changed all that it infected into savage, flesh-eating killers -- who then turned on the uninfected in a feeding frenzy. These zombies aren't like those in the George Romero movies. They are much faster, stronger, and agile than normal humans. They are also semi-intelligent, and even cunning, at times. They are, however, extremely sensitive to light, and therefore hide in the shadows during the day. The night, however, belongs to the walking dead.

Accompanied only by his dog, Neville struggles in his underground laboratory to find a cure that will reverse the virus and return the zombies to their normal, human state.

Will Smith's performance was impressive as the failed messiah -- the man who was supposed to save the human race from the virus and who still clings to the faint hope of "fixing" the problem. It is the first movie, to my knowledge, which features Smith with gray hair. The movie will help Smith age as an actor. Some actors, such as Michael J. Fox, are never able to move past youthful roles, but Smith shows the potential to do so. He's come a long way from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

I have written a spoiler on this page. I have written it only because there is a scene in the movie so ghastly that had I known that it was present, I would NEVER have taken my wife with me. Be warned.

How Bad Have You Been This Year?

[YouTube Link] I love this Harley-Davidson Christmas ad.

Death in the Methoblogosphere

Methoblogger Tamara Hanson died on Dec. 15 of cancer. Her son Alan Shields has written a final post at her site.

Hat tip: Robin Russell

Cooties: A Public Service Announcement

Every year, 2 million kids are infected with cooties. Protect yourself. Get tested; get informed.

Hat tip: Neatorama

Caption Contest

Previous contest winners

WINNER: Mark Winter:

Take Helen Thomas to the holodeck, set it to the American Wild West and remove all safety protocols.

Question of the Day

Is polygamy compatible with Christian teaching? Defend your position Biblically.

What Ever Happened to Johnny Crawford from The Rifleman?

We've previously discussed the marvelous TV Western The Rifleman. Child actor Johnny Crawford played Mark McCain on the show. After it ended, he used the skills that he learned on the show and worked the rodeo circuit for two years, served in the army, and then acted in a few other roles.

But Crawford discovered the love of his life in 1920s-era Big Band and Swing music. Being an Art Deco person myself, I can understand why.

For years he has led the Johnny Crawford Orchestra in tours across the country. This is his website.

And here is a sample of his music, with Crawford singing After You're Gone:

The Best of Methoblogging for 2007

Gavin Richardson is asking every Methoblogger to e-mail him (gavoweb at gmail dot com) their five best posts of 2007. Compilations are now being posted at the Methoblog.

Meanwhile, Jim Parsons wants you to e-mail him (revjimparsons at gmail dot com) with what you think are the ten best posts that the entire Methoblogosphere has created in the past year.

You have your assignments. Hop to it.

UMC Struggles to Produce LOLcat Worship Materials

Nashville, TN -- The United Methodist Publishing House, the publisher and distributor of media for the United Methodist Church, has been struggling to keep up with rising demand for materials published in LOLcat.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 3% of American households now speak LOLcat as their primary language. Fully 11 million Americans claim it as their first language.

"What concerns us," Neil Alexander, publisher and president of the organization said in a telephone interview, "is that four million American residents speak LOLcat, but lack functional fluency in English. And until recently, the United Methodist Church had no worship tools written in LOLcat."

This problem, Alexander stated, is diminishing as the UMPH has now released a LOLcat-language version of the 1988 United Methodist Hymnal. It includes classic hymns like Great Is Thy Faithfulness, which in LOLcat is expressed as "grat iz thy faithfulnes o ceiling cat mah fathr thar iz no shadoh ov turnin wif thee."

When asked about publishing a LOLcat Bible, Alexander stated that due to translation costs, LOLcat-speaking United Methodists should continue using the 1997 translation produced by Augsburg Fortress.

"Our next priority is to provide the upcoming 2008 Discipline in LOLcat, which shall be invaluable to evangelism efforts with the LOLcat community," Alexander said.

News of the new hymnal delighted the Rev. Whiskers of the LOL Mishun in Oakland, California. "teh gospel wil rech al kats nao kthxbai."

Naked Man Arrested for Breaking into United Methodist Church

Hey, anything that will boost attendance.

A Confession

When I was six years old, I had a crush on Ginger from Gilligan's Island.

The Rifleman's Rifle

Earlier, we talked about one of the classics of American television: The Rifleman. Here's the introduction to the show:

A couple commentors added some clarification about McCain's rifle. Earl said:

With care one can modify a lever action rifle to fire semi-automatically. The work is not something that a garage level gunsmith could handle. John M. Browning used a Winchester lever action rifle for early experiments in developing a self-loading rifle mechanism.
In The Rifleman, the rifle was a Winchester Model 92 with a lever fitted so that as the lever was closed the trigger was pulled. Such a rifle was not a semi-automatic but a manually cycled rifle. A semi-automatic rifle uses either gas pressure or recoil energy to operate the mechanism of the rifle.

Jeff the Baptist wrote:

You can't modify a lever action rifle to fire semi-automatically. By definition, it would cease to be a lever-action rifle at that point.The '92 used on the rifleman was reworked so that it could fire whenever the lever was closed. The prop gun used a set screw so they could turn this feature on or off.His rifle also had the classic big loop lever. What's funny is that this feature was not added for the rifle-spinnging trick shots, but because Chuck Connors had such huge hands that he couldn't fit them in a standard lever.

Here's a video of trick shooter Mike DiMuzio using the same model rifle:



I have nothing to add except that my fondness for the show is probably coloring my consideration of a first gun: the Marlin 1894C .357 lever-action rifle, pictured below.

My father-in-law thinks that I'm not being practical and should just get a shotgun. Well, it's a pipe dream anyway. I can't afford either gun and don't have the time to learn how to use it.

Jeff the Baptist has thoughts about first guns, which influenced my thinking, as well as Westerns.

There's Something About Benjamin

[YouTube Link]

Caption Contest

Via Bits and Pieces

Previous contest winner

WINNERS:

Mark Winter: "Boy, these Southern folks sure serve some weird barbecue."

Ironic Catholic: With Karl Rove gone, President Bush handled the photo-op with the fuzzy kitten in exactly the worst way.

Today is the 10th Birthday of the Blogosphere

The term "weblog" was coined 10 years ago today by Jorn Barger. Although, from the way he describes it, he intended the medium to refer to tools like del.icio.us.

Hat tip: Instapundit

What Do Mormons Believe?

It's a hot topic these days, thanks to Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Dale Tedder has a roundup of discussions about whether Mormons are Christians or not.

Here's a brief summary of Mormon beliefs. It's either from South Park or the LDS, I can't remember which.


Mild language warning at the end.

Best Westerns

One of my weaknesses: Westerns. I haven't read much fiction, but I enjoy old movies on AMC, like Bend of the River, Rooster Cogburn, Chato's Land, The Cheyenne Social Club, and A Big Hand for the Little Lady.

The genre was dominant in television from the 50s to the 70s. My favorites are:

1. The Rifleman (1958-1963)
Lucas McCain, a former Union cavalry officer purchases a small slice of ranch land in North Fork, New Mexico. A widower, he raises his young son Mark with values like honesty, responsibility, compassion, and industry. He doesn't wear a revolver, but carries everywhere his Winchester .44, modified for semi-automatic fire. Most episodes ended with a gunfight, and then a moral lesson for Mark. The Rifleman was preachy without being cheesy. Easily my favorite western.

2. Bonanza (1959-1973)Thrice-widowed Ben Cartwright raises his sons Adam, Hoss, and "Little" Joe on their enormous ranch on the shores of Lake Tahoe. The show was full of both adventure and humor. I always especially liked Hoss, and once visited the Dan Blocker Museum in the tiny town of O'Donnell, Texas. Bonanza's only failing was that it lasted two long, and should have been cancelled five seasons before it perished in 1973.

3. Kung Fu (1972-1975)
Without a doubt, the oddest Western TV show in history, Kung Fu tells the story of Kwai-Chang Caine, a half-Chinese/half-American Shaolin priest. Caine is a fugitive from justice in China and searches the American West looking for his white half-brother. Along the way, he helps those in need while reflecting on his experiences growing up in the Shaolin Temple. Kung Fu is brilliant in its sheer originality.

What are your favorite Westerns?

Calling Out Ben Witherington

Dr. Ben Witherington III wrote a post on Wednesday morning attempting to reconcile his own support for strong gun control laws with Sunday's halt of a killer in Colorado Springs by an armed civilian. As I had a final exam to complete, I decided to go after only one of Dr. Witherington's erroneous points:

This much I know. I have lived in countries with much stricter gun control laws, and it certainly helps in regard to this problem, though it does not prevent them altogether.

In the comments, I wrote:

Statistics and sources, please. This is a big assertion. You need to back it up.

And Witherington responded:

Hi John:

I have lived in the U.K. for various years of my life, and so my experience is largely from England and Scotland. I have read the statistics taken over long periods of time and they seem very clear on this. I do not have them ready to hand, but we have blogged on this point last year, and someone did kindly provide the data-- a Mennonite if memory serves. It really isn't disputable.

What is interesting is that in a more pagan country like Canada, which nonetheless has a less Rambo heritage, being part of the Commonwealth, there is less violence even with somewhat similar gun control laws. I put this down to the greater civility and humane-ness bred into that culture, whereas what we are seeing in America is the coarsening of the culture in many ways (shock jocks and increasingly ugly politics are just two bad examples of this phenomenon).

I wrote a response with actual evidence. It should have been the 32nd comment. It fell into the moderation queue, but was not approved. There are now 46 comments in the thread.

Working from memory, this was the content of my comment:

I dispute it.

The UK:

Gun crime is just part of an increasingly lawless environment. From 1991 to 1995, crimes against the person in England's inner cities increased 91 percent. And in the four years from 1997 to 2001, the rate of violent crime more than doubled. Your chances of being mugged in London are now six times greater than in New York. England's rates of assault, robbery, and burglary are far higher than America's, and 53 percent of English burglaries occur while occupants are at home, compared with 13 percent in the U.S., where burglars admit to fearing armed homeowners more than the police. In a United Nations study of crime in 18 developed nations published in July, England and Wales led the Western world's crime league, with nearly 55 crimes per 100 people.

In Australia:

Unfortunately, these new firearm regulations do not appear to have made the streets of Australia safer. Consider homicide rates. Homicide involving firearms is declining but the total homicide rates have remained basically flat from 1995 through to 2001 (Mouzos 2001). However, early reports show that the national homicide rate may have begun climbing again. Mouzos (2003) reports that homicides in 2001/02 increased by 20% from 2000/01. She also reports that, despite the declining firearm homicides, there is an increase in multiple victim incidents. Homicide rates remain at a historic high. Shortly after World War II, the Australian homicide rate was around 1 per 100,000. Since then, it has climbed until it peaked at 2.4 per 100,000 in 1988 (Graycar 2001).

The decline in homicide rate in the United States stands out against the flat—or even rising—homicide rate in Australia (figure 7). The divergence between Australia and the United States is even more apparent when one considers violent crime (figure 8). While violent crime is decreasing in the United States, it continues to increase in Australia. Over the past 6 years, both assault and robbery show no signs of decreasing (Australian Institute of Criminology 2003) (figure 9). It is too early to tell whether the gun ban has exacerbated the problem or simply not had any effect.

In Canada:

Crime was not supposed to rise after handguns were banned. Yet, since 1996 the serious-violent-crime rate has soared by 69 percent; robbery is up 45 percent, and murders up 54 percent. Before the law, armed robberies had fallen 50 percent from 1993 to 1997, but as soon as handguns were banned the robbery rate shot back up, almost to its 1993 level.

There's my evidence. Now where, Dr. Witherington, is yours?

What I wonder is why Ben Witherington did not see fit to approve this comment from the moderation queue. Could it be that he does not wish to be presented with evidence contrary to his opinions?

The Politics of Philosophical Destruction

A vicious attack ad against Immanuel Kant.

Hat tip: Ace

Fremen

Pics

Discipleship

Crimes, Torts, and Genesis

I am writing this with no legal background or experience whatsoever, so take these thoughts with a grain of salt.

In Genesis 20, Abraham whores out his wife Sarah (again!) to King Abimelech. God confronts Abimelech and declares that his punishment for adultery shall be death. Abimelech responds:

Now Abimelech had not come near her; and he said, "Lord, will You slay a nation, even though blameless? Did he not himself say to me, 'She is my sister'? And she (herself said, 'He is my brother ' In the integrity of my heart and the innocence of my hands I have done this."

Then God said to him in the dream, "Yes, I know that in the integrity of your heart you have done this, and I also kept you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her. Now therefore, restore the man's wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours."

Abimelech is hopping mad that Abraham has led him into this disaster, but realizing where the law lands, he offer restitution:

Abimelech said, "Behold, my land is before you; settle wherever you please."

To Sarah he said, "Behold, I have given your brother a thousand pieces of silver; behold, it is your vindication before all who are with you, and before all men you are cleared."

Abimelech has successfully argued with God that he has committed not a crime, but a tort. The difference that he appears to be establishing is one of intentionality. This difference, in my glances around the Internet, does not seem to be one rigidly extant in U.S. law.

It is, however a difference present in Mosaic Law, as Exodus 22:1-15 expounds upon different penalties for property loss, weighted by intentionality and negligence.

Image: King Abimelech Restores Sarah to Her Husband, Frans Geubels. (Tapestry, c.1560-1570, Dayton Art Institute).

Family Survival Kit

Thoughts Upon the Lectionary

I've been experimenting with the lectionary since Christ the King Sunday, albeit with modifications. We have two formal Scripture readings at my church, not four, so I can't use all of the passages, nor do I think that it is a good idea to do so.

The first advantage apparent to me is that I don't have to think too much about what to preach on. I have a list of passages and choose from them for the sermon. I don't, however, always stick to the lectionary's restrictions. For last Sunday, my lay speaker read John 1:1-17, which I also wove into my sermon on Matthew 3:1-12. I used the lectionary Pslam 72 for our responsive reading, but it really didn't fit with my sermon.

I have been to Lutheran and Episcopalian services where the sermon was based on all four readings, and saw an immediate disadvantage: in a sermon thus constructed, the preacher must interpret the passages in reflection of each other, thereby skewing the exegesis.

I like the idea of my preaching being ordered in a thoughtful, not erratic manner. And I also like the idea of keeping close to the liturgical calendar. But I dislike the lectionary's omission of large sections of Scripture. For example, one of my better sermons is from Habakkuk 3, which is not covered during any part of the lectionary cycle.

I would be interested to see a lectionary that encompassed the entire Bible, even if it took a decade to complete a cycle.

Guns in Church?

One of the Colorado church shootings over the weekend ended thanks to the quick thinking of an armed church security guard. It brings to mind this interesting discussion thread over at Andrew Conard's blog about the appropriateness of bringing concealed firearms to church. Some churches, as Andrew notes, have put up signs to forbid taking concealed firearms on campus. What do you think?

Should churches forbid concealed firearms on campus?

Further thoughts from Art Ruch, Andrew Conard, Gavin Richardson, and BeneDiction.

Total Depravity

I was doing my daily devotions a couple of days ago and arrived at Genesis 19 in my walk through the Bible. I read the passage about the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and encountered an interesting phrase in the part about the attempted rape of Lot's angelic visitors. Lot offered his daughters up as substitutes for the mob, and their response is:

But they said, "Stand aside." Furthermore, they said, "This one came in as an alien, and already he is acting like a judge; now we will treat you worse than them." So they pressed hard against Lot and came near to break the door.

But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them, and shut the door.

They struck the men who were at the doorway of the house with blindness, both small and great, so that they wearied themselves trying to find the doorway.

The last phrase caught my attention. Although supernaturally struck down with blindness, the mob is completely unconcerned. They care nothing about this sudden strange turn of events, nor is there any indication that they notice that they have become blind. They are obsessed with only one thing: continuing to carry out the evil on their mind.

Such is the human condition. Without grace, we are blind and seek only the things that make us blind, and are unaware that we are blind. We don't know that we are lost and don't care; we want only to satisfy our wicked desires.

Christian Governance

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, it has been alleged, freed convicted rapist Wayne Dumond in part because Dumond converted to Christianity. Ace of Spades, who describes himself as a non-believer, asks:

What is this [expletive deleted -- ed.]? Salvation has to do with your soul and the final judgment in the next life. Who decided it should come along with legal benefits in this life as well?

I'm finding this all a little creepy. I understand the injunction to lead a Christ-like life -- but does that apply to using the machinery of government (Caesar's thing, you know) to impose one's Christ-like impulses? Yes, Jesus says forgive, but does that mean that a Christian governor must forgive personally or impose that forgiveness via state action, forcing the public generally to "forgive"?

The same applies to his charitable/compassionate impulses. Is a Christian in elected office required to impose their Christian notions of charity and caring on the people they govern? Despite the fact that in doing so they rob the governed of the ability to show charity or compassion voluntarily?

How would your answer Ace?

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 140

...is up.

My Plans for This Afternoon

Except without the 'pretending' part.

Hat tip to Jim Lindgren via Glenn Reynolds

Bonus points to whoever can identify the picture.

Credit Card National Bank

Boy Survives Moose Attack Thanks to Skills Acquired from Playing World of Warcraft

Gaming will save your life. Don't doubt it for a moment.

Hat tip: Ace

Caption Contest

Previous contest winner

WINNER: Todd Jackson:

While studying for his Cisco network certification, Chuck badly misunderstood the concept of "load balancing."

Love Songs of the Real Man

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 139

...is up.

A Map Showing the Distribution of Megachurches in America

Fascinating

Hat tip: Allan Bevere

The Good-O-Meter

Pastoral Prayers

At my church, I write out my "pastoral prayer" -- a sort of general purpose prayer in the standard liturgy of this local church. Here's an example from Christ the King Sunday and my rationale for parts of it:

Most gracious God, on this day in which we celebrate the reign of your Son in Heaven and Earth, we praise your name that we have a king who is faithful, just, and compassionate to his subjects. We thank you that you have ruled with such grace; for we have not deserved a merciful king, but a harsh and punishing one.

In classical collect prayers, a good prayer begins with depicting the attributes of God.

For Lord, although we have been created in your own image,

The Imago Dei is such an important doctrine that I mention it every Sunday.

we confess that we have failed to be an obedient church. We have not done your will, we have broken your law, we have rebelled against your love, we have not loved our neighbors, and we have not heard the cry of the needy.

This is our prayer of confession, lifted directly from the Service for Word and Table II. Confession should always proceed petition, so that our relationship to God is restored through justification.

And so gracious Father, we silently confess to you our transgressions.

Although we have corporate confession, we need a time of silent, individual confession as a weekly moment to be confronted by a just and holy God with our sins. It may be the only time that week a parishioner faces his/her sins, which makes it all the more important to include in the pastoral prayer. I generally count to twenty-five in my head before moving on.

Lord we make this confession with a contrite heart, but also with hope, for we know that the king has returned.

Confession is both a time of sorrow, but also one of joy, because we do not retain our sins.

We know that your Son Jesus the Christ came to earth to conquer sin and death and free us from chains of unholiness that we willingly shackled to ourselves. We accept the unearned, unmerited pardon of our king,

I have heard it said that Asbury teaches students a distorted view of atonement -- blood atonement alone. That's one reason why I've been consciously working in the other views of atonement into my pastoral prayers. This passage of the prayer will always express (1) the destruction of that sin and (2) that this change is unmerited.

and ask that you continue to give this lovingkindness to….

God's grace is manifest in not only healing us from sin, but healing us from bodily infirmity (the vast majority of prayer requests). This is how I transition into the specific prayer requests. I generally save the praise reports to the end, after expressing that these petitions are not lift up in vain, but that we make them with confidence because we have seen God's mighty hand at work.

And then we close with the Lord's Prayer.

How do pastoral prayers work at your church?

God's Pies

Hat tip: John Battern

Which Geek Are You?

Select from a complete list.

Hat tip: Neatorama

Under Fire, Interpreter Shelves Proposed Swimsuit Issue

Nashville, TN -- After word of the project leaked to the media five days ago, Rev. Larry Hollon, publisher of Interpreter and General Secretary of Communications for the United Methodist Church announced that the magazine was cancelling its proposed swimsuit issue, slated for March.

Kathy Noble, editor of the publication, had accepted the initiative in order to boost subscriptions of the sagging Methodist bimonthly magazine, as well as add advertising revenues from apparel manufacturers launching new lines for the Spring swimwear market.

"I think that we figured that there would be a reaction," said one highly-placed anonymous source on the Interpreter staff, "but none of us anticipated such fierce anger at the decision. We were just trying to boost circulation!"

A flood of angry letters, e-mails, and phone calls to Nashville disapproved of Interpreter's decision. "It's outrageous!" exclaimed Rev. Greg Hazelrig of the Mississippi Annual Conference, who sent in his own letter of protest to Interpreter. "They should have known better than to slap the cross and flame on to this filth."

Rev. Abi Carlisle-Wilke of the North Alabama Annual Conference, who had been designated as the cover model for the swimsuit issue doesn't agree. "This was going to be the start of a good modeling career, and some old prudes have ruined it."

As of press time, there was no response from UM Reporter about whether that publication would match Interpreter's decision.

Imago Dei

Caption Contest

Via Bits & Pieces

Previous contest winners

WINNER: Jeff the Baptist: A reduction in display space at the Roy Rogers Museum resulted in some unfortunate exhibit changes.

Ministerial Groupies

Angie Ward writes about the cult of celebrity that seems to surround many high-profile pastors/speakers/writers:

It's no different today than it was in the first century, when Paul noted in his first letter to the Corinthians that the Christ-followers there were dividing themselves over who they followed. "I follow Paul," said some, while others countered, "I follow Apollos."

Today it's the same story, just a different millennium: "I am of Hybels." "I am of Warren." "I am of Maxwell." "I am of Stanley." "I am of Moore." "I am of Groeschel." "I am of McLaren." "I am of Driscoll."

Others play the same game, but go back a few centuries, as if attaching yourself to an older (or dead) personality is somehow more spiritual: "I am of Calvin." "I am of Arminius." "I am of Augustine." Or impress others with their intellect: "I am of Irenaeus." "I am of Tertullian." "I am of Clement of Rome."

"Stop it!" Paul says, in essence, in 1 Corinthians 3:5. "What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task."

I have nothing against any of the leaders I mentioned above. They are doing what God has called and gifted and assigned them to do, and they have all made a significant impact for the Kingdom. Many of them are worthy mentors and models. But they are also just servants, just like each of us who follows Christ. My problem is not with the celebrities, but with the groupies who have made them such.

These groupies try to become clones of their heroes, instead of becoming who God has made them and ministering in a uniquely personal way that no celebrity could ever attain. Instead of claiming their standing in Christ and asking what He wants of their leadership in their unique situation, they settle for a trinkety-bracelet approach to ministry: "What Would Hybels Do?"

OMG! Text Devotionals Popular With Youth

SUNNYVALE, Calif. — Kelly Barnes, 17, doesn’t read her Bible as much as she used to. Instead, she’s addicted to Txt Dvotions, a new service at TxtDev.com that delivers Bible verses to cell phones in text language.

"I love figuring out what verse it is," she says. "I read them in the hallway at school."

Txt Dvotions, founded by former youth pastor Philip Agajanian, turns normal Bible verses like Matthew 5:1-3 into this: "Nw wen J sw d crwds he wnt 2 mntsde n s@ dwn. 12D cm 2 hm & he bgn 2 tch em sayn - blest r d pr n sprt 4 drs s KOH."

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Reblogged: The Wand

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As John Battern said, "That has sermon illustration written all over it."

Question of the Day

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