Friday, January 27, 2006

Single Pastors

My pastor is 34 and has never been married, much to the consternation of the little old ladies of my church and their apparently endless supply of eligible granddaughters. I have no idea how he does pre-marital and marital counseling, but I imagine that it would be challenging.

How are unmarried pastors seen by congregations, in your experience? How does it effect ministry?

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

yours is a blog with charactter.

TN Rambler said...

I've never really thought about it. But my neighbor, who is Catholic, wonders how the priests can even think of giving pre-marital counseling. I would wonder the same thing. There's something to be said for lefe experience in that regard.

TN Rambler said...

Uh, that should life experience in that last sentence instead of lefe experience (whatever that is).

HeyJules said...

Does he like slightly older women cause I could sure use a nice date on Saturday night...

Seriously, it really wouldn't bother me if my pastor was single or not. I look more for a person with an intense sense of faith, a lot of common sense, high moral character and "people" skills than I do his marital status.

But, again, seriously, think he'd want to go out some time? : )

John said...

That's a good point, Joel.

I'm not sure that I would have as much confidence as Paul, though. I think that if I was single and giving pre-marital counseling, it would be highly theoretical. Certainly I might be taken less seriously.

All of which is not to say that people should not be ordained without being married.

What about someone who comes to a pastor seeking guidance on alcohol or drug abuse. Do the pastors have to have been past users to know what to say? How about a young person who has spiritual questions about joining the military? Would a pastor who has never been in the military be unable to provide any guidance?

I don't think that these experiences are necessary, but they can be incredibly helpful. We heal others best where we ourselves have been wounded. That's a couple of things that I'd ask candidates for the ordained ministry, if it were up to me: (a)what is the worst thing to ever happen to you? and (b) how can you use it in your ministry?

Methotaku -- I think that you mean "commissioned" instead of "ordained". For better or for worse, the road is much longer.

John said...

heyjules, I am certain that he is single entirely by choice. He is dashingly handsome (looks like Errol Flynn) and very charismatic.

I'll ask him on Sunday. He'll be tickled.

John said...

Too add, I would say that there are potential advantages to being a single pastor. Many churches have no place for singles -- younger or older. An unmarried pastor has a viewpoint that can provoke change.

Beth Quick said...

Good question John. I find that I think much more about my singleness (and my age) and its effect on ministry than my parishioners do, most of the time. I have the occasional "don't you want to get married?" question - "don't you want to have a family?" I've never said that I do or don't, but some people are interested.
Pre-marital counseling is exactly one of the things I've worried about, being single. But then I remember - people come to me for pastoral care in general not because I'm 'Beth', but because I'm 'pastor'. That's a role I know (or am learning) how to fill. And I've never had a couple ask me or express concern that I was single.
I think it can be isolating, sometimes, to be a single pastor - that's the part that affects me most. I find myself longing for an appointment sometimes in a younger place, or a more urban diverse place.

see-through faith said...

the RC church only have unmarried priests (unless converted form Anglicanism and already married)

I think being married does not qualify you in this and actually I think it's pretty hard call for pastors to give this kind of counsel without adequate training. I'd like to see the UMC work with professional counsellers (Christians ofcourse) on these kind of courses.

Anonymous said...

According to most versions of Scriptures (besides NIV namely), a bishop is to be the husband of one wife. (See Titus and 1 Timothy). NIV says a bishop should be the husband of but one wife.

Anonymous said...

The Pastor of my families church is single. I am not a member of that church but do attend from time to time w/my family. Last May the Pastor and I began a friendly conversation and I later called him and asked him to lunch. However, it never happened. So, just rececently he asked me when we could get together for lunch and he asked me to call his office and leave my contact info. so that we could plan something for the upcoming week. So I did. I have not heard from him and just wondering what its like for a Pastor to date? Are there restrictions? If so, what are they? Should I call him back?secw

Anonymous said...

I would wait for him to call me.I have two pastor friends who are single and want to date me..Some pastors are led by the holy spirit in seeking a helpmate.Are you fully grounded in the word of God it depends on alot of things such as what is he looking for in a woman? And will this woman be spiritually connected to the calling of the gospel? I hope this helps ...

Anonymous said...

I don't think it matters! I am 20 and I'm in Children's ministry I lead/pastor and I'm not married! Being married isn't going to make me better at spreading the word into the hearts and minds of the children... However, I do intend to get married one day... but, I don't think my "being married or single" has any thing to do on how well I can lead a church, congregation, children, or any of that. What matters is not my love relationship but my relationship with Christ!!
Be blessed!
God bless,
Heather

Anonymous said...

To be a pastor is to be a shephard and leader to the flock of Christ,

Q? what challenges do single leaders and pastors have in ministry?

I believe being a single pastor the challenge for me is not being single but the pressure to marry. I feel encouraged to be content in the scriptures and leading as Paul spoke to Timothy about being an elder with in the church. I believe as a single pastor we have a great opportunity to set an example" to the next generation, to

1) show respect to the other sex. (1 tim 5:2)
2) worry about the Lords affairs (1 cor 6:32)
3) if we as men stand up and be men in the church in our character, motives. "Mrs Right" will compliment our character and calling. Leading us to prayer and the work of God. God will bring to you "Mrs Right:"
4) most of all enjoy and use this single life, and use it for the full potential for the call and sake of the cross.

"dont waste your singleness" worrying about what God hasn't given to you yet.

ps Taz Australia

Anonymous said...

Marriage is a relationship. Just because a pastor is single doesn't mean he has never had a relationship. He would give strong, scripturally-based advice just like he counsels any other situation or relationship.

Being single doesn't make you less of a person or a minister.

Anonymous said...

It takes a character that is switched on with the things of God, his word and the spiritual truths of the Cross to be a minister (pastor) singleness is becoming more common in the pastoral circles, many young men and women that are leading churches are opting to stay single until the Lord pulls their heart to marry.

Seeing this first hand from single pastors, their preaching, teaching and leadership is at times more effective and powerful then married leaders and pastors. Why? because it is about the heart and the call, not status or religious rules. God has changed the world through such great and God fearing men and women and because of their faithfulness many marry and continue to serve and see Gods hand blessing and growing his Church.

So I say, single men and women, if God has placed a hunger burden or fire to do something for the kingdom, Do it well with the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit, trust and read the bible and lean on the strength and wisdom of the father, and watch God to the amazing and supernatural as you are faithful and obedient to the call.

Taz (Australia)

Pastor Dave said...

You are missing the bigger picture. Perhaps a Bachelor Pastor should not counsil married or engaged couples. But in 2008, that is not where the big need is. Look around your church--most people are sitting there alone. Bachelor pastors are great celebacy and lonliness counselors. Let the married pastors give the marriage advice. Let the bachelor pastors meet the needs of the single.

Anonymous said...

Singleness too is a blessing, just like being married is. It is sad that people do not maximize there divine potential as singles and enjoy the freedom, peace and blessings that God can so lovingly pour upon their lives. Singles today are looked upon as "incomplete". Remember, it is our relationship with Jesus Christ that should be of utmost priority. He should be our first love and if God sends someone, then Thank You Lawd!!!
Everyone will someday disappoint us in one way or another. But Jesus will never dissappoint us.
Don't forget that Jesus, God Himself, was a single man.

Anonymous said...

I secretly dated and was in love with a prominent, high profile pastor for 5 years. We were very sexually active for the first 3 1/2 years until my convictions got took over. I stopped buying into his suggestions that sex was permissable between the committed man and woman in love during courtship. It was the Holy Spirit that convinced me that we were fornicating and that I must put GOD first. I told him that I loved him enough to put an end to our sinfulness. After over a year and a half of trying and failing to have sex, he left me. Of course, I feel bruised that he was never there for me during my anguishing struggle with the true definition of fornication. He never confessed that he was in sin and has moved on to another, much younger woman

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wizzard said...

I see I am years late! Did your pastor get married yet? :)

Unknown said...

I know I'm late! If there is still any unmarried Pastors that never been married. Let me know your ages. I think if your not married yet one of you might be a few years older than me. You can reach me at Imnotperfectonly4givebyJesus@gmail.com

Single and Called said...

I agree that at times being single is a hindrance to getting a job in ministry, but what perspective should we have as single pastors. As we examine ourselves and walk humbly with our God will He not open the doors that He wants open and close the doors that He wants closed? If God controls the hearts of kings (Prov. 21:1) does He not also control the hearts of search committees and missions agencies. I agree somewhat with the article concerning Mark Almlie, but I am just not ready to trust my future and my calling to the cultural and theological whims of man. Yes, we need to prepare our resumes and go to interviews, but if God has called us, and if we are walking with Him, then He will make a way where there seems to be no way. Whether I am full-time, part-time, or volunteer, my calling remains the same. As we love God and love neighbor I believe God will make things right according to His will and not ours. He works all things for the good. May we rest in Him, even when we are searching for where God wants us to be.  There is a good blog for single ministers and single missionaries at http://singleandcalled.blogspot.com
It deals with anything from dating as a pastor, to loneliness, freedom, community, solitude, temptation, and the many advantages as well.