My small church's pastor is a bachelor. The other seminarian is a single woman in her 40s. I, however, am married. My wife is active in the church, but never in a leadership role.
Sometimes, these string of facts come into play when church members have expectations for the traditional role of the pastor's wife. I'm sure that they will be even stronger when I am actually under appointment.
What do you think is the proper role of the pastor's wife?*
*Or husband, for that matter. Yes, I recognize that 'pastor's wife' is not gender-sensitive language. But the concept of 'pastor's husband' is not one backed up by centuries of tradition. That, of course, may actually make it more difficult.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
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14 comments:
The stereotype is that she will play the piano...
Whatever role she wishes to take.
I'm coming into this as a second career. My wife is an established professional in her field. No matter what the folks in the pew may think, my wife has not been called into ministry and will not be the default person to do whatever no one else is willing to do. Anyone who thinks otherwise will politely be corrected by my wife and then by me, if necessary...and they can get over it if they disagree.
I couldn't agree more with tn rambler. My wife has not been called into pastoral ministry.
I echo his feelings, "Whatever role she wishes to take."
If the pastor's wife can bake cookies, organize the fall festival, teach children's Sunday school and play an electric organ older than the Alamo...all the while keeping her big hair looking beauty-shop fresh...she'd be welcome in any rural U.M. congregation in Texas!
In general, the role of a Pastor's spouse is the same as any other Christian: respond to God in faith, enter ministry as called, support one's family. When married to a pastor, the context will necessarily include the stresses and relationships that come with church life. These stresses and relationships will be felt and engaged with in a variety of ways depending on the marital relationship and one's own perception of one's call.
I know for one that I'd be in trouble without my wife's help in ministry.
Years ago Chuck Swindoll read a list of (contradictory) things that should be true of a pastor's wife. I can only remember one of the list, which was:
"A pastor's wife should be plain ... but stunning."
I am a Pastor's Husband - not a wife. I view Pastor's wife as gender specific and I think most pastor's husbands agree.
We are in the 50th year of ordaining women in the United Methodist Church. It's time we acknowledged that referring to all pastor's spouses as Pastor's Wives is archaic. At least for someone becoming an elder in the UMC.
Personally, I have kicked around the idea of starting a group or caucus for Pastor's Husbands because I think we have a unique role which is different from Pastors Wives.
We were thinking about calling ourselves something like Sons of John based on John the Baptist. 'I am not the teacher [pastor], but I help prepare the way.'
Plus, we could wear cool clothes, hang out in the wilderness and eat food that's bad for you instead of baking or contributing to the Annual Conference Pastor's Wives Cookbook.
Mike, I'm curious what do you think of the idea?
it is! (more difficult)
I think if you are both called into ministry -it's great. If she is not - then she should be allowed to be 'just ' a member, or not even attend church.
The days of a spouse being an unpaid part of the team should be over -soon - I hope.
In the old days the doctor's wife played a role - for example- that's long gone, at least in this neck of the woods.
But the spouse is called to be a spouse and support each other in their career and calling. Listen, help and above all love.
That's all our spouses signed up for!
I think the Spice (Spouses??) should definitely bond.
Personally, I bought the loving husband a book for his birthday "How to be a Pastor's Wife and Like it" (1957)
He thinks it's a hoot.
One of the chapters is "Freshening up the parsonage with Gingham"
He wanted to know what gingham was.
And if he should REALLY iron all his dresses....
Oh, all spouses should know how to:
1) play the piano
2) teach SS
3) make Chicken Salad Sandwiches for UMW
4) organize the Spring Fling (OK, AND the Fall Festival)
5) dress the kids
Uhm, one out of five ain't bad, is it?
My wife can do as she wishes. We have a charge and she goes to the church she wishes, which of course didn't sit real well with the other. But I told them that I was appointed here and not her. She will get involved, but in the same way she did before we went into the ministry.
The thing that has changed since we went into the ministry is that now she has been called to support me in this ministry. Other than that, she does what she wants. And thankfully, she wants to be involved in church. But she doesn't want to be expected to do anything. She picks and chooses just like any other member.
By the way, she joined the church she attends. So she is like any other member.
I agree with some of the other posts about Pastor's Spouses. I have watched my husband and the husbands of my female colleagues squirm as the Pastor's Wives have their time at Annual Conference. It's not that that particular group should not exist...it does serve a purpose for the women married to pastors. However, my dander gets raised when the president of the Pastor's Wives talks about how we need to support our pastor in all HE does. It is time we acknowledge that there are women in the ministry in the United Methodist Church and there has been for 50 years now. And now I must go and see if my husband has my dinner ready yet.
I'm a Pastors Wife...I'm only 22. And its very difficult being in the ministry. I moved away from all my family when my first born son was only 4 months old. We now live 12 hours away from anyone we ever knew. Why? Because the need up in Northern Ohio is so great... and I knew God wanted us here...
As far as my role goes... I really believe a Pastors wife shouldnt be on to do all the programs at church. Vacation Bible School, Choir, etc..etc.. Some women have those types of talents and if they WANT to do that... then that is fine.
But it seems like so many churches these days think that they are getting the "Pastors Wife" as some sorta of EXTRA perk.
My main priority though is my family... it comes before the church. I have a beautiful son... and another baby on the way (do not mention im pregnant on my blog though if you comment. Its not annouced to anyone yet).
I am not going to run around busy with church event after church event... and neglect my home and family.
There are pleanty of people in the church who can help with those types of things.
I support my husband... and help him when counceling... etc... but I really have no MAJOR job that I do in the church. With the acception of ministering to others.
And singing solos occasionally :-)
So... I suppose that answers the question :-)
I am a VERY active member of the congregation my husband serves. I lead the Adult Ed. Team, have organized the Acolytes, participate in the Reconciling Ministries Team and VBS, teach Lay Speaking Ministries classes, and basically do the odds & ends that folks aren't aware need to happen. I don't play the piano or make coffee!
The other night at the Church Council meeting, I was called out for having an email signature that one member deemed inappropriate & political. She indicated that my husband & I should BOTH be apolitical. I'd like to ask her if she thinks Jesus was apolitical.
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