Remembering Pentecost

From Acts 2:

¹And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.

²And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting.

³And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them.

⁴And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.

⁵And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.

⁶Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man among them acquired superpowers.

⁷James, the brother of John, it was granted unto him the power of flight and laser beam eyes.

⁸And Thomas, who had doubted the resurrection of our Lord, now had the strength of twenty lions and invulnerability from physical harm.

⁹Mary, from whom the Lord had driven seven demons, could create storms and torrents with her mind.

¹⁰Finally, Peter, their leader, ran faster than the wind itself and hurled lances of ice through the air.

¹¹And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which are gathered Galilaeans?

¹²And they were all amazed, and were in doubt, saying one to another, What meaneth this?

¹³Others mocking said, These men are full of new wine.

¹⁴But Peter, standing up with the eleven, lifted up his voice, and said unto them, Ye men of Judaea, and all ye that dwell at Jerusalem, be this known unto you, and hearken to my words:

¹⁵For these are not drunken, as ye suppose, seeing it is but the third hour of the day.

¹⁶But this is that which was spoken by the prophet Joel;

¹⁷And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall acquire superpowers, and your young men don spandex, and your old men shall adopt secret identities.