Jeff the Baptist and his fiance Amy are getting married on Saturday. What ill-conceived and poorly thought-out marriage advice can you give him? A prize goes to whoever comes up with the worst advice.WINNER: Tony:
I go along with Larry's first suggestion. I had a friend who claimed he actually did this, but the claim is in doubt because he's still breathing.
He said that his wife asked him: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
His answer: "It's not the dress."
Your prize is a kiss from Amy. Or Jeff. Your choice.
11 comments:
Whenever she asks you how she looks in this or that, just be honest and tell her what you really think.
And the first thing you should purchase after the wedding is a big screen TV with a subscription to every sports network out there so you can have your buddies over every night and on the weekends to watch sports.
Well first of all, Jeff, you are now the man of the house. The proverbial "head of the household". That means that you are always right. You must insist on proving your point and arguing with your wife until she "sees it your way". If she doesn't, she is just ignorant, keep pressing, she'll eventually see it your way.
Secondly, now that you're going to be married, you will get to have sex every single day or night for the rest of your life!!!
LOL.
K
Don't EVER:
- cook for her
- do the laundry
- dust, vacuum, or mop
It will only add to her feelings of inadequacy if you pick up the slack for her. Besides, you wouldn't do them properly anyhow.
Wake up Amy every morning by quoting Ephesians5:22 through a bullhorn
I go along with Larry's first suggestion. I had a friend who claimed he actually did this, but the claim is in doubt because he's still breathing.
He said that his wife asked him: "Does this dress make me look fat?"
His answer: "It's not the dress."
Plan an exciting weeklong hunting trip to Canada with all your pals over Amy's birthday. When Amy asks why you will be gone during her birthday, complain that you never get to do anything fun anymore.
Never look for or fetch anything that causes you to get out of your recliner. She can ALWAYS look for things for you: remote, newspapers, magazines, the snack you left in the kitchen, etc. She will love you for this b/c it will make her feel very needed. Tell her "thank you" from time to time, but not too often, as she intuitively knows you are grateful.
Another good piece of advice is to surprise her with agendas on your schedule that affect her. For example, plan a trip to your parents house but don't consult with her before you commit her to going that weekend. She will love to have you take charge in making decisions like that, and she has no desire to be pressured into helping with silly agenda items.
These are but a couple of secrets to experiencing a long and happy marriage!
When you have a child, do not tell her "Happy Mothers Day" because she is not your mother.
True story from my childhood: When you children complains that they don't want to eat dinner, tell them if you have to eat it, so do they.
When I got married a bunch of my friends kept going up to my new wife and reminding her that I now own her.
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