I'm taking a class right now that was formed as a direct result of the shockingly high incidence of adultery among Asbury graduates in the Kentucky Conference.My wife and I talked about what the UMC could do to reduce the incidence of adultery in the pastorate. She has an interesting idea: the candidacy process should include an intensive examination of the candidate's marriage (if he/she is married). Not simply repeatedly asking "How does your spouse feel about you going into the ministry?", but formal assessments under a trained marriage counselor. The governing boards over the candidacy process would take into account the health of the candidate's marriage.
Let's take that idea a step further: mandatory biennial marriage checkups for all clergy with a professional marriage counselor. The counseling sessions would be kept confidential from the UMC hierarchy except that the sessions were attended.
What do you think?
What can the UMC do to reduce the incidence of adultery among pastors?
17 comments:
No doubt about it, keeping a marriage together and being faithful to a call to ministry is not easy. The number of ministries that are basically destroyed by marital infidelity are disconcerting.
I had not thought about ways to address the issue, but you and your wife's suggestions sound fairly reasonable to me. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure . . . "
You have a good point. I'm not suggesting this, but bringing it up for discussion: Should there be penalties for ministers who are caught in adultery? Should their clergy credentials be revoked?
How about not accepting young men into the ministry, but only accepting men who have raised their children and proven themselves sound?
i like the idea of it being confidential.. i like the idea of marital counseling as an ongoing. hate to think that one has to make that manditory, but then again, if it wasn't then only the healthy marriages would probably engage in such counseling.
i'll throw this one in the mix, there are personality tests that can reflect risk taking tendencies, which adultery would be associated with that. maybe use that as an entrance point to counseling?
The battery of psych tests that are required in the Florida Conference are designed to pick up on adulterous tendencies, among many others. So at least here, that's already covered.
The spouse tends to be on the outside of most of the pastor's stressing relationships - with the church and with the Conference. Often due to workload (actual and self-chosen), the pastor is outside the spouse's most stressing relationships (the children). Your ideas sound good to me - if could be done in a way that didn't cost the pastors a pile of money.
Before assigning a cure one needs to identify the cause.
A part of that may be addressed in a post by Mark Driscoll. CMA pastor Mark Swanson adds a few comments of his own.
Marriage counselors may not be the diagnosticians we hope them to be. what they can be are guides for the journey. pastors and their spouses have to attend to their relationships, and churches need to allow them the space to do it. I think you are suggesting a course in the right direction.
Brett asks if their should be penalties for ministers caught in adultery. In Texas it is a felony to have any sexualized behavior between a caregiver (doctor, counselor, clergyperson) and the care receiver. So sex with parishoners is not only unethical -- in Texas it is illegal.
I think - for once - the Texas legislature is right.
First and foremost, the pastor must be removed from his or her charge AND parsonage without question and without pay. Too harsh? I don't think so. This is not a "misstep" or an "error in judgment" we are dealing with; it is a very serious matter with far-reaching consequences.
Will this cause pastors to be more "careful" in their indiscretions? Maybe. But I think it may also serve as a deterent for those who may be actually entertaining the idea of putting into action their contemplative thoughts. This does not mean that grace cannot play a part in the recovery; indeed it must. But it cannot be glossed over and "understood" or excused.
Marriage counseling may help to address any problem with a spouse and only within the marriage, but there is something much bigger that has gone awry: why did the pastor allow himself into such a situation where the temptation could be overwhelming? Part of resisting the evil is to stay out of its neighborhood. We are not all strong enough to go toe-to-toe with the evil one, and this is most certainly one of his favorite playgrounds.
It seems hypocritical to me that many of the folks who advocate for harsh penalties and restrictions related to homosexuality do not have the same feelings related to adultry.
I'm not saying anyone here is saying that, but we all know folks who would harshly judge the homosexual and forgive the adulterer.
As for me, I endorse forgiving both, lest I be judged myself. I have coveted my neighbor's cell phone, eaten shell fish, and failed to love my neighbor as myself just in the past 24 hours, so I'm thankful for the grace that God provides.
Peace.
Jim, are you saying that there shouldn't be ecclesiastical consequences for adulterous pastors?
Being willing to forgive should go without saying. "Judgment" must come but by our hands, only in this lifetime for the "sake of the soul of the offender". As stated earlier, this matter cannot be glossed over as "understandable" or brushed aside for fear of being judged.
There is much more at stake in such a situation than just the health of the pastor's family. The congregation is at risk but more importantly, the offending pastor's soul is on the line.
This is not small potatoes although I don't think the pastor's credentials should be revoked unless he or she refuses to repent and accept the consequences of his or her actions.
Mandating anything especially counseling seems unproductive to me.
The truth be told most pastors, myself included, don't have a friend s/he feels comfortable confiding such temptations to. It is this aloneness that needs to be addressed.
Yeah, that was one thing that my professor talked about how lonely pastors are. Few have deep friendships.
And I'm not talking about an "accountability partner". Shoot, I'd just like to have a few gaming buddies over to roll the dice with on a Sunday afternoon. And I can forsee this desire increasing after I am under appointment.
Jim, are you saying that there shouldn't be ecclesiastical consequences for adulterous pastors?
No, not really. I was just observing the potential inconsistency that some folks have related to homosexuality vs. adultery and divorce. Similar to those who are adamantly pro-life before birth and pro-capitol punishment afterwards. I don't get it.
Anyway, that led me down a path away from the point of your post. Sorry.
I see Jim's point, and it's a good one. We "understand" homosexuals because they insist it's how they are "made" and we overlook it, reasoning that they simply cannot help themselves. I am reminded, however, of one priest's comments after Gene Robinson was being considered for a bishop's position in the Episcopal Church: "If I left my home and hearth for another woman, I would lose my credentials. But if I left my wife for another MAN, they would make me a bishop!"
I think your wife has a good point John, the ministry places huge strain and huge temptation on relationships-a little realism and self-knowledge would help. along with acknowledgement of suitable boundaries.
My husband and I job share- and have both had occassion to resist temptation and to create boundaries. Being real and open with one another is most important.
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