Last week, I took a group of 9 young adults from North Indiana Conference down to the Biloxi area as a work team. I returned with 8.
We were full of energy and enthusiasm for whatever work we might be assigned, knowing it could be very demanding physically. When we found we would be tearing off old shingles from a Katrina-damaged home and putting new ones on, we braced ourselves for the heat and humidity of a Mississippi summer. What none of us were prepared for, or could ever be prepared for, was an accident.
At the end of the first work- day, Sarah (not her real name), who had been working on the roof in the morning but on the ground for the afternoon, started to climb a ladder for a final look at what had been accomplished that day. She slipped off the ladder and fell hard to the driveway. An ambulance came to take her to the hospital. She had fractured some ribs, broken a hand, and suffered some internal injury.
The whole incident cast a shadow over my spirit, as the team's leader, and for the whole week I just wanted to get it over with, wishing I had never put the trip together at all. I am convinced that there is no feeling in life quite as gut-wrenching as feeling powerless to help in a situation in which you feel some degree of responsibility for creating (and I did have a significant area of responsibility on which I failed beyond what I am describing here).
Looking at Sarah I was reminded of Paul's words in 2nd Corinthians, and there I found what consolation I could:
We have this treasure (the light of Christ) in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power
belongs to God, and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed,
but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may
also be be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given
over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested
in our mortal flesh. (2nd Corinthians 4:7-11, ESV)
Sarah carries the treausure in a weakened body, to be sure. Yet rarely have I seen the "life of Jesus" so strongly as I did when Sarah was able to look at me and tell me without batting an eye that she forgave me. She could be released tommorrow after more than a week in ICU. She is a beautiful, Spirit-filled woman who lives out the gospel of grace with joy. Is there anything more liberating than being forgiven?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
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2 comments:
An old diesel mechanic bud of mine, upon seeing my heavily bandaged thumb one day, said, "I told you that if you ever took that thing out of your butt, you'd smash it."
Sounds like you have a bandaged sense of responsibility these days. But, it can only get that way by exercising it. Praise the Lord that you are out there.
In this life we only learn by trial and error. In leadership that error always hurts someone besides ourself. It's bound to happen, and bound to happen again. Forgive yourself, learn, heal, and put that thumb back to work. They need you.
I do not think there is anything more liberating or difficult than being forgiven.
Such a thoughtful post.
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