Wednesday, December 20, 2006

I'm Away For the Next Two Days

Guess as to why in the comments.

The funniest commentor wins a date with Beth Quick.

UPDATE: The winner is, of course, Matthew Johnson:

It takes two days to find the right Festivus pole? Seriously, much can one aluminum pole differ from another?

Indeed it does. Especially when I'm trying to impress my in-laws. That's where I am, in scenic Schertz, Texas. In the morning, I shall engage in the local rite of manhood among the natives of this land, which is to rise far too early in the morning to journey down to the Dairy Queen with my father-in-law and the men of the town to eat breakfast.

Our very first act, upon crossing into the state this afternoon, was to venture to a Whataburger for real food -- as my wife sees it.

My beloved tries to hide a central plank of her worldview: that the world beyond Texas is -- at least --- mildly uncivilized and in need for conversion into a more Texas-like culture. Out of politeness to her friends in Florida, she tries not to express this publicly. "They just don't know any better." As we have journeyed into the Lone Star Republic, she has been increasingly less inclined to hide this perspective. I'm sure that my Texas readers understand why.

18 comments:

Rev. C. S. Roberts said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rev. C. S. Roberts said...

Sewing nativity costumes for your rabbits for the live nativity on Christmas Eve.

And if I win I will pass on the prize... though she can buy me a beer in Dallas in the spring of 08 as we discuss the role of the GBCS.

John B said...

You're doing a comprehensive study of Methodist tattoos.

I too must pass on the date. I just don't think my wife would understand, though I'm sure Beth is a fun date.

Elizabeth said...

What a bummer - I can't even get a date when John tries to get me one in the blogosphere. But I do appreciate your attention to my love life John!

Dale Tedder said...

I guess my guess doesn't count since I'll see you in the morning. Ooops. Pardon the hint.

Anonymous said...

You've contracted a flesh-eating virus and in two days you'll come back as a zombie.

James said...

After Gavin there's no tellin' what she's got.

Matthew said...

It takes two days to find the right Festivus pole? Seriously, much can one aluminum pole differ from another?

Anonymous said...

Are you getting ready to fly around the world Sunday evening?

Anonymous said...

Must be busy touring the churches around Orlando and making sure they are having an orthodox Christmas service.

gavin richardson said...

bahamavention?

BruceA said...

You've decided to become postmodern and live in an alternate reality for a couple days.

John said...

Must be busy touring the churches around Orlando and making sure they are having an orthodox Christmas service.

It just wouldn't be a L&H comment thread without Stephen's pointless, snarky sniping at me.

Matthew said...

Wow. That either means most of the comments weren't funny or you're an even bigger Seinfeld fan than I am.

"I've got a lot of problems with you people. Especially you, Cougar."

Oh, and apologies to Beth: I'm married. To a Texan no less. What's up with Asburians and their elitist Texan wives?

Anonymous said...

“Saskatchewan is much like Texas- except it's more friendly to the United States.” --Adlai Stevenson

JD said...

John,

Good to know that you were in Schertz this week. I hope that the speed traps did not cause any trouble and that you were able to visit the original Garden Ridge. The best thing about Whataburger is that you can really have it your way, even more so than Burger King. Also, my sister in law makes a B-line directly for Whataburger when she is in from Colorado. I am sure that the first stop after getting her from the airport next week will be Whataburger. Although I do not totally agree with your wife about the civility of Texans, I would say that I have had my fair share of ridicule from my fellow Texans because, as a former software trainer that traveled around the country, I had to lose my accent and I now sound like I am from the midwest.

PAX
JD

PS: Favorite Texas word: Cadiwompus (pronounced) Ka dee whom pus - to be crooked or a little off center...sort of like a few people that we know.

Anonymous said...

My beloved tries to hide a central plank of her worldview: that the world beyond Texas is -- at least --- mildly uncivilized and in need for conversion into a more Texas-like culture. Out of politeness to her friends in Florida, she tries not to express this publicly. "They just don't know any better." As we have journeyed into the Lone Star Republic, she has been increasingly less inclined to hide this perspective. I'm sure that my Texas readers understand why.

Your beloved reminds me of my college roomate who was from Houston, Texas. After introducing myself and telling him that I was from Chicago, he boldly tells me that "there are two types of people in the world: those who are from Texas, and those who wish they were from Texas"! To this day, I chuckle and re-tell that line whenever I meet a Texan.

I insisted that all of our kids adorn Husker gear for the newborn photo instead of a Mizzou Tiger onesie for the hospital website. Sure enough leave it to a Texas friend to do one better. Before his infant son landed in the bassinet, he liberally sprinkled dirt from back home onto the bassinet much to the suprise of the nurses. His rationale was that his and his wife's family would never forgive them for having a child born not on Texas soil.

Warmest regards and Merry Christmas!

Dark Gable

Anonymous said...

And that's precisely why this displaced Missourian doesn't like living in Texas.