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And so the Lord created Man to attend to Him. To scratch behind His ears and be scratched in return. And He created Woman to make sure Man attended to the Lord. And the Lord saw that it was a pretty good racket for the Lord.
But Woman did turn Man against the Lord when she said to Man "Would it not be good if the Lord did not scratch Man's furniture unto pieces or pee on Man's rugs?" And Man did defer to Woman because getting the Lord had been Woman's idea anyway. And so the Man created the Fixing and the Declawing. And Man and Woman saw that it was good.
But Man and Woman had departed from the Lord's good racket. And the Lord is a vengeful Lord. And He was wroth with Man and Woman over the Fixing and the Declawing. And yea unto the end of the Age will He awaken Man and Woman in the dead of night by sitting on their faces and biting their toes.