Friday, August 31, 2007

I'm Know That I'm Not in Orlando Anymore

Because in Orlando (population 1.05 million), you don't get chased by cows. My wife excitedly informed me that there were cows in the parsonage backyard. There were indeed -- three of them. I decided to let the farmer know that they were here before they ran out in the street and get hit by a car.

I moved carefully through the backyard, trying not to spook the cows. There was no one at home at the farmer's trailer. On my way back, the boss cow charged me, and the other two cows followed suit. I jumped over my neighbor's fence. We stared at each other across the no-man's land of the parsonage backyard. "Well, punk" she seemed to be saying "do you feel lucky? Well, punk, doya?"

I did feel lucky. I carefully jumped the fence again and moved back toward the house, staying close to the fence just in case she came at me again -- and mindful of that she might try to jump the fence as well.

We eyed each other; two warriors locked in a standoff. It was like Kennedy vs. Khrushchev. There was only one question: who would blink first?

The cows blinked, and ran back to their meadow.

That's brinksmanship.


Sally said...

lol John- hope you are settling in well!

Vicki said...

Good thing you'll still agile enough to jump a fence! My DH's family raised cattle, so I've had plenty of close encounters with them. Did you know that a cow can climb into the cab of a Ford pickup truck, ripping off the driver's door in the process? Expensive lesson learned.

By the way, scarier things than cows will chase you in Orlando!

Nathan Mattox said...

Congrats! One of the cows who was out my window is now in my freezer! Next time you're out there, assure the cow that you will enjoy her being on your grill.

John said...

No deep freezer, alas, but a good idea.

Anonymous said...

Couple of comments here John. First, what time was it? The bovines might have thought it was feeding time and thought you were bringing them hay. They often associate the two leged people and food delivery (every see how fast college kids can be when a doorbell rings and pizza has been ordered?). Second, if the cows actually were intent on charging you (I speak from experience) whack them in the nose pretty hard (read her knock the snot out of them) and this usually changes their minds. You might even move them by waving your arms about. Now when I grew up we had all kinds of cows - you learn quickly to assert yourself or they will bully (no pun intended)you all around the feedlot. I have been butted around by cattle and I have wacked the snot out of some and I shot one once (a m-e-a-n Brahma bull - but by then I was older and often carried a pistol when out working cattle). Anyway, I am sure you will adapt and it wouldn't hurt if you really want to get their attention to go to the local hardware store and buy a cattle prod (usually a four foot pole with a electric zapper on the other end - it does wonders to make them move).

Best Regards
Joe Cathey

John said...

Thanks, Joe. In retrospect, I think that they were actually steers, not cows. I'm not sure if that makes a difference, but I wasn't taking any chances with getting charged by an animal that large when I essentially have no medical insurance of consequence.