Sunday, March 15, 2009

Efficiency in Parenting

Feeding a baby, I have discovered, is a profoundly inefficient process. Of baby food presented to a baby, I would estimate that only one fourth completes its journey down a baby's gastrointestinal tract. Of the remaining, about one third does not make it into a baby's mouth, one third does not make it past the mouth, and one third is vigorously ejected from the esophagus.

This is indicative of serious design flaws in the infant logistical system.

10 comments:

Earl said...

Fear not! You will learn.

willdeuel said...

There is nothing to worry about. According to renowned scientist Dave Barry, babies absorb 98% of their essential nutrients directly through their chins.

Divers and Sundry said...

No, it's a difference between your expectations for the process and the child's. This difference in expectations will grow larger as the years go by. This is great practice for you. ;)

the reverend mommy said...

I assumed they got their nutrition through absorption through the skin as well. I am glad that Dave Barry agrees with me.

How about the bits that hit the floor and ceiling? Or have you reached that stage yet? I still have places where carrots hit the ceiling in the kitchen and chocolate milk on the living room's ceiling...

John Wilks said...

So long as diaper efficiency remains high, you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of the game.

Matt Akins said...

Perhaps it's poorly engineered food?

The delivery system might be in question as well . . . could be a kink in the intake manifold . . .


Do you have any diagrams you can present on the subject?

Tom Jackson said...

Diagrams would help; if you could find the engineering drawings and specifications, we could probably design some sort of clamping device.

Unfortunately, most of these products tend to deviate slightly from spec in one way or another, so we'd need the as-built drawings from this particular unit.

John said...

Neither my wife or I can locate the original spec sheets. The design process was substantially briefer than the 9-month construction phase. I may be forced to reverse-engineer some blueprints.

doodlebugmom said...

As the mom of a 21 year old, an 18 year old and a 14 year old; I can only say: messy eating is the least of your worries!

Tom Jackson said...

Yeah, that's what the production department always says.

You might enjoy this site; it has various tips from parents on raising children, childproofing houses, etc.

http://www.parenthacks.com/