Topless Robot recently held a contest asking readers to write commandments that all geeks should follow. Actually, TR prefers the term "nerd", but, like, whatever. We won't get into that debate today. Here are some of my favorites from the winners, with my comments.1) Thou must experience as many nerdy properties as possible throughout your youth (nerdy parents must assist with this). By the age of 20, you must have chosen at least two sides of the following: Star Wars or Star Trek, Kirk or Picard, Marvel or DC, Mac or PC, Trukk or Munkey, Baker or Tennant, and Joel or Mike. If these topics come up, you must argue your choice past all reasonableness.
Trek, Kirk, DC, PC, and Mike. I confess that I had to look up to learn what "Trukk or Munkey" refers to (Transformers) as well as Baker or Tennant (Dr. Who). But I'm not a Whovian, and I haven't watched Transformers since Beastwars.
4) Thou must try to convince your significant other to name the child after a character of nerdy importance. If thou are cut from the cloth of the nerd tribe and have managed to breed, , and bringeth into the world the Lando's, the Anakin's, the Kal-Els.
Actually, I had convinced my wife to name any son after Nick Seafort, only to later decide against it.
9) Thou shalt not forget to honor and give thanks to the Dice Gods for your triumphs and victories.
I shall never forget those two consecutive natural twenties, followed by a natural 19.
11) Shouldst thou hear a man proclaim, "Now you know," for whatever reason, then thou must reply in your most triumphant voice, "And knowing is half the battle!" Let he who should offend against this law be cast out from the company of his worthier fellows and be made subject to aspersions made 'gainst his improper rearing and the cuckolding whore that did sire him and perform the rearing.
I do this all of the time.
14) Thy first crush must be upon an cartoon character.
That would be Ginger from Vehicle Team Voltron.
What commandments would you add to the list? Do you obey these?
9 comments:
I couldn't get past the first commandment. How could you pick DC, Marvel has much more compelling stories. I would continue to argue but I don't want to be the nerdiest one in your comment section.
"The cuckolding whore that did sire him"?
I'm still trying to figure out how that might work.
I'm disappointed in you. Mike? DC? Vehicle Team Voltron? *shakes head*
"name the child after a character of nerdy importance."
Do classic cartoons involving flying rodents and large stupid ungulates count?
Do classic cartoons involving flying rodents and large stupid ungulates count?
I doubt it. Rocky & Bullwinkle are great, but not geeky.
Not that either would be a bad name. I'll run them by my wife.
Jeff wrote:
I'm disappointed in you. Mike? DC? Vehicle Team Voltron? *shakes head*
Don't worry. I eventually moved on to Ginger from Gilligan's Island.
bob wrote:
I couldn't get past the first commandment. How could you pick DC, Marvel has much more compelling stories. I would continue to argue but I don't want to be the nerdiest one in your comment section.
Too late.
Actually, I'm not really familiar with the Marvel universe -- at least, not in as much detail as DC. So when the references get really subtle and the plots complex in DC, I can understand them. But not in Marvel.
Mike? Really? John, John, John. You really need to re-evaluate that because that is like saying you like Sammy Hagar as the lead singer of Van Halen.
Yes, absolutely. Mike was much better than Joel. I'll stand firmly on that.
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