Can't Tell the Difference

From Joe Carter's advice column:

Dear Joe,

I’m a New York Catholic who moved to the Bible Belt about a year ago. Every day on my drive to work I pass several churches: Pentecostal, Southern Baptist, and Methodist. What exactly is the difference between them?

H.C.

Dear H.C.

To the casual observer, all Protestants appear to be the same. On closer inspection, however, subtle differences in form can be detected that make each denomination distinct. Take, for example, acceptable norms of behavior. Southern Baptists are expected to refrain from drinking beer and dancing. Pentecostals can’t drink beer either, though they can dance -- at least in church. Methodists, however, can both drink beer and dance, though, presumably, not during church services.

There are also differences in the style of preaching. Methodist reverends speak in dulcet tones, Baptists ministers speak in fiery tirades, and Pentecostal preachers speak in tongues. Go to a Pentecostal service for the singing, the Methodist’s for the liturgy, and the Baptist’s if you want to be out of church in time for the start of the football game.

There are also differences in theology but I don’t think anyone really understands what those are.