Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Bride Selling

This morning, I wrote about a website that sells teenager brides to...well, presumably men who want to marry teenage girls (legal in some states; probably Arkansas or West Virginia, I guess). Richard Hall wrote about this business, leading to this comment by Kim Fibricious:

Does anyone have $20K I can borrow?


Kim (male) has a point. The girls are rather pricey, ranging from about $100,000 to $6,000. The capitalist in me looked at these prices and said "Hey, I can beat those prices!"

Here's what I'm offering on the market, starting today. Leave your 'proposals' in the comments:

Name: Beth
Age: 28
Location: Northeast
Bride Price: $2,500 or best offer

Beth is good at book larnin' and knows the Bible from cover to cover. She's a good cook and seamstress and is ready to settle down with a good man who needs looking after.

18 comments:

Craig Moore said...

John, I am already married and I am afraid that if I submitted a bid and won my wife would kill me. Besides, I don't think the UMC is ready for a polygamist pastor yet, maybe in a few more quads.

Nathan Mattox said...

We Arkansans have plenty of cousins to choose from---and for free.

Art said...

I think you should offer up John the Methodist for bids... you're bound to raise 2 or 3 dollars :)

David said...

What about a South African for you?
I could whip up some very keen men from the Southern tip of the world. Methodist and everything else you ever wished for. They call it labola in Africa. You must set your price to at least 5 Nguni cows?

Elizabeth said...

John - as always, i appreciate your efforts towards my love life. Although, to date, they have not produced one viable candidate for me...hmmm....

John said...

Beth, don't think of it as an opportunity to meet a great guy so much as an opportunity for me to make money.

gavin richardson said...

who gets the finders fee?

Tom Jackson said...

I disagree with the business model; you have to do all this marketing, and you get paid only once. What you need to start is a rental operation, instead of sales. The best part is, a quick check of the Yellow Pages shows that there's no one else in the woman-rental business, so you could make a fortune.

Anonymous said...

I believe Tom misses the point vis a vis selling versus rental. The winning bid would just be the start up costs. This ignores operating expenses after "I do", which could be substantial.
With that stated, upon reviewing Beth's portfolio of pics and posts, $2,500 appears to be a bargain as well as a solid investment with little risk that would appreciate with time. Even Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha, would highly recommend such a solid investment!
Alas, all of my capital is managed by my lovely wife - she's management, I'm labor - and our four little board members always vote with her.

Humorously,
Joseph

Todd said...

I hate to be a prude here but I do believe that "renting" does qualify in most states as prostitution.

Jody said...

"..."renting" does qualify in most states as prostitution."

Only if they fail to cook and clean, too. Otherwise it is ok.

Beth: The romantic in me insist on defending your honor here. John's torrid attempt to sell you off is a disgrace. Therefore, I pledge to you, my darling, that whatever price the winner pays I will pay plus $1 to redeem your honor and sanctity.

John said...

Joseph, you're assuming that Beth depreciates in value over time. Does she?

Anonymous said...

Joseph, you're assuming that Beth depreciates in value over time. Does she?

No, no, no, noooooooo! I stated that she would appreciates with time! I did speculate that operating expenses may be substantial, based upon my own marriage; however I should have qualified that with YMMV!

In case Beth and others thought otherwise, I think we need some major sucking up:
Beth you're… not only attractive, but a powerful and vivacious woman. I could see by your picture and posts that you are someone to reckon with…

Joseph

the reverend mommy said...

ha!

~c. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

~c:

I'm not sure as to why a foul and nasty response was needed or necessary, especially from a pastor no less.

Respectfully,
Joseph

~c. said...

John,

Insomuch as I can appreciate the humor going on here, would you please remove the offensive and trite remark you made about my beautiful home of West Virginia? Thank you.

~c.

John said...

No, but you're welcome to make similar jokes about my home state of Alabama.

Besides, who are you to lecture me about blogging civility? Didn't you once refer to Tim Sisk as a "prick"?