Decoding Christianese

Provocative Church has a great post up listing various phrases commonly used by Christians that obscure true feelings behind God-talk. It's pretty funny. Here are the first ten:

1. I'll pray about it = NO!
2. We need to pray for so and so = Guess what I just heard?!
3. I'm waiting for God to open some doors = I'm living in my parent's basement.
4. God gave me a word for you = I have advice to help you with your disaster of a life.
5. I'm going to have my quiet time = Leave me the heck alone!
6. God is good = My life sucks.
7. Bless his/her heart = What an idiot.
8. I have the gift of discernment = I can judge people without even talking to them.
9. I was having fellowship with them = We had beer and pizza and watched the game instead of going to church.
10. I'm saved by grace, not works = I can do whatever the heck I want.

As I said, it's funny. But it's also disturbing. I've far too often witnessed -- and been on the receiving end of -- weaponized prayer and pastoral care. By that I mean subtle insults and degradations disguised as Christian love. What's worse is when prayer is used to hurt other people -- that's just plain blasphemy, as well as spiritual abuse.

I believe in a God who is holy above all things, and worthy of our adoration more than anything else in this universe. And consequently, I refuse to use him as a prop. And it drives me nuts when others do.

HT: Smart Pastor

UPDATE: In the comments, truevyne points us to this excellent spoof on the Christianese phenomenon:

[Video Link]

I have no objection to cultures and groups developing their own jargon. What galls me is the dishonest manipulation of spiritual experience for personal gain.

Prayer Station

I do not know where this is, but I would really like to find out. Hat tip to Bits & Pieces


UPDATE: Alex Santoso has done some research on this picture, and found out who made this prayer booth and where it can be found.

'Do Not Pray' Lists Prove Popular

DEARBORN, Mich. — Elias Al-Karim says he’s always gotten along well with his neighbors, who are evangelical Christians. But he was angered recently to learn that they had added his name, and the names of his wife and children, to Community Faith Center’s corporate prayer list. Elias called the church to complain.

"We do not want prayer from Christians, and we did not ask for it," he told a reporter. "It’s a violation to pray for someone without their knowledge or consent."

To ease tensions, the church did what many churches and ministries are increasingly doing: started a "do not pray" list. The list grew rapidly after Al-Karim alerted the local newspaper about his experience. Hundreds of Muslims, atheists, Mormons and even pagans called to have their names added to the list. Now when prayer requests come in to the church, names are checked against the list before they receive prayer.

"We have to respect people’s wishes," says the pastor. "If they really don’t want prayer, we honor that."

Story Link

Question of the Day

Our QotD is by Stephen Fife, who asks about the appropriateness of imprecatory prayers. Should Christians pray that God smite their enemies? Go over to Stephen's blog and share your thoughts.

"Only if we're doing it wrong."

That's my response to Catholic blogger Paul Smith's question about Protestant prayer practices.

Strikes me as a more of a Pentecostal thing to do. Or more likely the Emerging Church movement, which is always open to imaginative and innovative prayer practices. Gavin springs immediately to mind.

Hat tip to Jeff the Baptist.

Prayer is Not a Weapon or a Prop

While I'm waiting for the Florida Conference's server to send me a new password so that I can do Year-End Reports, I thought that I'd point out Michael Spencer's excellent post in which he condemns the practice of saying condescendingly to people "I'll pray for you" as a way of expressing disdain:

If that prayer request was put forward to make you look ________________ (fill in the blank), then it’s a show, not a prayer. It’s just another version of prayers said for an audience, similar to “I thank thee Lord that I am not like other men….such as Spencer over there.”

As I've written before, prayer is a sacred act before God, not a rhetorical prop to be used against other people. Keep it holy, folks.

Pastoral Prayers

At my church, I write out my "pastoral prayer" -- a sort of general purpose prayer in the standard liturgy of this local church. Here's an example from Christ the King Sunday and my rationale for parts of it:

Most gracious God, on this day in which we celebrate the reign of your Son in Heaven and Earth, we praise your name that we have a king who is faithful, just, and compassionate to his subjects. We thank you that you have ruled with such grace; for we have not deserved a merciful king, but a harsh and punishing one.

In classical collect prayers, a good prayer begins with depicting the attributes of God.

For Lord, although we have been created in your own image,

The Imago Dei is such an important doctrine that I mention it every Sunday.

we confess that we have failed to be an obedient church. We have not done your will, we have broken your law, we have rebelled against your love, we have not loved our neighbors, and we have not heard the cry of the needy.

This is our prayer of confession, lifted directly from the Service for Word and Table II. Confession should always proceed petition, so that our relationship to God is restored through justification.

And so gracious Father, we silently confess to you our transgressions.

Although we have corporate confession, we need a time of silent, individual confession as a weekly moment to be confronted by a just and holy God with our sins. It may be the only time that week a parishioner faces his/her sins, which makes it all the more important to include in the pastoral prayer. I generally count to twenty-five in my head before moving on.

Lord we make this confession with a contrite heart, but also with hope, for we know that the king has returned.

Confession is both a time of sorrow, but also one of joy, because we do not retain our sins.

We know that your Son Jesus the Christ came to earth to conquer sin and death and free us from chains of unholiness that we willingly shackled to ourselves. We accept the unearned, unmerited pardon of our king,

I have heard it said that Asbury teaches students a distorted view of atonement -- blood atonement alone. That's one reason why I've been consciously working in the other views of atonement into my pastoral prayers. This passage of the prayer will always express (1) the destruction of that sin and (2) that this change is unmerited.

and ask that you continue to give this lovingkindness to….

God's grace is manifest in not only healing us from sin, but healing us from bodily infirmity (the vast majority of prayer requests). This is how I transition into the specific prayer requests. I generally save the praise reports to the end, after expressing that these petitions are not lift up in vain, but that we make them with confidence because we have seen God's mighty hand at work.

And then we close with the Lord's Prayer.

How do pastoral prayers work at your church?

The Serenity Prayer

Via Richard Hall

'95-'96 Prayers Finally Answered

HEAVEN—Explaining that He had been "absolutely swamped," God announced yesterday that He was finally able to find time in His busy schedule to answer a portion of the 1995 and 1996 prayer backlog.

"Unfortunately, I don't really want a red wagon anymore," 18-year-old Morgantown, WV resident Zach Gilpin said. Others expressed similar displeasure, including 30-year-old accountant Jack Demont, who said that former classmate and high school cheerleader Heidi Stillman's repeated phone calls to his house are "destroying" his marriage.

Story Link