This Blog Has Been Hacked!

Apparently you don't have to be a Bishop to get your blog cracked open these days. I checked the security on my blog, and it's been wide open for months.

It turns out that without my knowledge, someone has been writing delusional and crackpot posts totally disconnected with reality and good taste. And he did it all in my name. The sheer nerve of the guy!

So all of those times, dear reader, when you thought that I was out of my skull -- it wasn't me.

Honest.

The Damnation of Theron Ware

This book, by Harold Frederic, was assigned reading for my recent class on pastoral caregiving. It was a fascinating read.

Written in 1896, it tells of a young Methodist pastor in (Western?) New York State. The book begins with an Annual Conference, strangely resembling those of today. Pastors are busy politicking, trying to impress the right people so that they get the best appointments possible. Young Rev. Theron Ware is a gifted orator and holds a bright future. He and his wife Alice are disappointed with their appointment to a backwater town.

The Methodists there are fundamentalists from the frontier traditions of American Methodism. Theron is dissatisfied with their crude and simplistic faith. He seeks out the companionship of the town's intellectuals: a Catholic priest, a retired doctor and amateur Biblical scholar, and the red-haired organist at the Catholic church.

The priest and his scholarly companion introduce Theron to enticing and unfamiliar ideas. Their studies have shown that the Bible is largely myth. In fact, truth itself is a meaningless concept, as is morality. The organist -- beautiful and intellectual -- shines in comparison to Theron's wife, who has fallen under the spell of religious revival that fills the Methodist congregation. Together, these bohemians seduce Theron Ware away from his Christian faith and his wife.

This book was published 109 years ago, but is shockingly applicable today. The professor never said why, but I suspect that he assigned this book to point out how easy it is for the clergy to be seduced by sex, money, and bad theology.

Methodist Blogger Profile: Wes Whiddon

Wes Whiddon of Tough Times

My wife, Ellie, and I have been married 43 years. I’m an Air Force veteran and we live in Sugar Land, Texas, a bedroom community of Houston. I work as an engineer in the radio side of broadcasting. We have a son and a daughter, both grown up with families and kids of their own. God has blessed us over the years through our children and grandchildren. After being lifelong Baptists, Ellie and I “converted” to Methodism a couple of years ago. We love our church in Sugar Land and I’ve never been more satisfied with my Christian journey than now.

Why do you blog?
I’ve been at it for several years but honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever really found my voice. I have a couple of other weblogs, one of which I’ve neglected for months. The other is practical, work related, and devoted to everyday things at my job. Blogging, though, is a phenomenon unlike anything civilization has ever experienced. This may sound over the top but in my opinion it’s up there with the invention of the printing press.

What has been your best blogging experience?
I was surprised when I got a comment on Tough Times (not that my bandwidth allotment is overwhelmed with them). This blog started out as simply a way to get information to other men in my Bible Study class and morphed into what it is now. I decided to continue after finding Methobloggers on John’s web site.

What would be your main advice to a novice blogger?
Worry more about content than what your blog looks like. I’m constantly tempted to tamper with my template to “improve” things. Some of the best Methobloggers have very plain looks.

If you only had time to read three blogs a day, what would they be?
I like more than three. There’s a lot of big dogs around but in our little piece of the world, I like Locusts, etc and Wesley Blog. In the outside world, Gerard Van der Leun’s American Digest is one of the best of the best.

Who are your spiritual heroes?
I have a couple.

My father was a lay Pentecostal preacher. But he also didn’t have a hidebound view of the physical world. We had many discussions over the years about the Bible and life in general. I wish I could have just one more.

The Apostle Paul. Christianity revolves around the life of Jesus but without this man to disperse the word across the civilized world of the time (if civilized is a proper description) it wouldn’t exist today.

What are you reading at the moment?
“Piano For Dummies” and not much else unless you count technical manuals. I’ve been working too much.

What is your favorite hymn and why?
Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem. Yes, it’s a Christmas carol but every time I hear or sing it, I’m transformed into a little kid, wondering about baby Jesus.

Can you name a major moral, political, or intellectual decision on which you've ever changed your mind?
I can’t think of one. Maybe I’m too set in my ways.

What philosophical thesis do you think is most important to combat?
These might be considered ideologies but if I may indulge myself and mention two, they would be pacifism and the conflict between religion and science.

Any sane person is against war. But there has never been a time in history when sitting around the campfire, singing Kumbaya with a host of people who are dedicated to nothing less than your total destruction will ever achieve peace.

As for the science/religion debate, there’s got to be a balance somewhere. Humanity needs both to survive.

If you could effect one major change in the governing of your country, what would it be?
This isn’t part of our government per se but getting rid of lobbyists would be a good thing. They’re a blight on the landscape.

If you could effect one major policy change in the United Methodist Church, what would it be?
I haven’t been in the church long enough to make a decision on this one. But, as an engineer, I’ve noticed that top heavy structures tend to teeter. Maybe the UMC needs a little trimming up there.

What would be your most important piece of advice about life?
Eighty percent of success is just showing up on time.

What, if anything, do you worry about?
Whether or not I’ll be able to live as I want when I retire. Thank God that is my major worry.

If you were to relive your life to this point, is there anything that you'd do differently?
Education. More of it.

Where would you most like to live (other than where you do now)?
West Texas around Alpine. See below.

What do you like doing in your spare time?
I’m an amateur astronomer. I do research on variable stars and general observing. West Texas has some of the darkest skies in the nation.

What is your most treasured possession?
Physical: My Takahashi FS-102 refractor telescope. Spiritual: My relationship with Christ.

What talent would you most like to have?
Off the track and impossible, but the ability to build a time machine. A nice big one with kitchen, bedroom and bath, of course.

If you could have any three guests, past or present, to dinner, who would they be?
My mother, my father, and Leonardo da Vinci. They’d make quite a combination.

Blogjacking

Mike Holly just e-mailed me to inform us that Bishop Willimon's blog was hacked by someone, and a false message put up there in his name.

I linked to it in the MBWR (still unedited). My usual skim of his post didn't reveal anything out of the ordinary or seem to be odd writing for Willimon. So the hacker wasn't deeply malicious, or my reading was too cursory.

Very odd. Head over to Mike's blog for updates. He seems to have the inside scoop.

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 50

Here's the week in review in the Methodist blogosphere:

Andy Bryan wrote about young adult ministries and homiletics as art.

Richard Heyduck wrote about a teleological apporoach to ministry.

Steve Heyduck blogged about what his Conference can learn from a recent WNBA game, the effect that Roe v. Wade had on public discourse, and misbehaving parents at athletic events.

Ben Witherington wondered why so many people are upset by Kayne West dressing up as Jesus and the fallacy of false certainty.

Beth Quick pointed to a formal study of teenage religious beliefs.

Betty Newman delivered a eulogy from 1 Thessalonians 4.

Will Willimon wrote of an uncomfortable moment when a woman forgot that he was just a man, not an apostle.

John Wilks called for doctrinal humility, jealous in ministry, the price of interfering in God's plans for our lives, and the hymn Ivory Palaces.

Brian Russell wrote that the modern self-help gospel, while claiming to seek the authentic needs of seekers, does not give people what they really need, such as holiness.

Bruce Alderman blogged about preventing juvenile delinquency.

Cole Wakefield wrote about the Bush Administration undermining gay rights through the United Nations.

Dave Warnock blogged about evaluating the quality of information on the Internet (Best of the Methodist blogosphere!).

David Camphouse wrote about UMC local church clusters.

Derek Tang reviewed the week in news.

Donald Sensing wrote about dollar coins, war lessons from the Battle of the Atlantic, the value of religion, and Joel Stein's recent column.

Gavin Richardson blogged about a recent seminar on the web church and being a Christian Superman.

Gerry Charlotte Phelps is allowing God to arrange her schedule and reviewed the movie The End of the Spear.

The Gospel According to the Hood wrote about how wonderful it is to be a sacrifice for the Lord.

Greg Crofford asked why Christians do not have a strong sense of "holy ground."

Greg Hazelrig noted different views on giving among Christians today and Christians in the 1st Century and the faith of children.

Greg Lee wrote about the charity of children.

Mike Holly wrote about intelligent design.

John Battern blogged about how the spiritual longings of teens are making us re-think what it means to be a Christian (Best of the Methodist blogosphere!).

Josh Tinley wrote about the TV lineup at ABC.

Just As I Am asked if Christians are honoring people as the Bible commands.

Larry Hollon blogged about journalism quality and how well aid agencies respond to disaster follow-up.

Lisa Tolle wrote about Black History Month.

Maobi blogged about juvenile criminal justice in Malaysia.

Mark Winter took his one-man play about Francis Asbury to Huntsville, TX.

Craig Moore wrote about the nature of fads in evangelism.

Michael Daniel asked himself and readers why the love God. He also wrote the the Church does not exist to make some people right and others wrong, about the politics of fear, and problems with legalizing gambling.

Mike Lamson wrote about Christian responses to homosexuality and idealism in the emerging church movement.

Pjeffy blogged about ministering to pregnant teenagers and insensitive language toward the poor.

Dan Gates feels invigorated about the popular response to his prophetic call and wrote about Virginia Methodists protesting the Ed Johnson decision and why the UMC is declining.

Rev. Mark wrote about the nature of "congregation."

Theresa Coleman blogged about homosexuality and church membership.

Lorna Koskela reviewed the book Credo, asked how readers are spiritually nurtured, and wrote about reading a Catholic Bible and sensing a call into ministry.

Sky Lowe-McCracken wrote about George Barna's critique of the local church as a concept.

Steven Webster wrote that there is more revelation of divine truth than contained in the Bible (Best of the Methodist blogosphere!).

Jonathan Marlowe wrote about the special calling of Martin Luther King.

Whit Johnstone blogged about the theology of salvation.

Tony Mitchell preached on recognizing modern-day prophets.

Shane Raynor examined a Christian view of authority and what God is doing in his church.

Andy Stoddard lectionary blogged for January 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, and the 30th. He also wrote about God's grace when our minds wander.

Mitch Lewis wrote about copyright for church publishing houses and clergy sexual ethics.

Corrections? Additions? Do you know of a blog that should be included in the MBWR? Leave a note in the comments or e-mail locustsandhoney2005 at yahoo dot com.

Methobloggers on Baptism

Way back in October, Tim Sisk e-mailed every Methoblogger and asked them how their churches performed the sacrament of Holy Communion. Tim then listed the responses. It was an intriguing series, offering many different perspectives on this rite.

I'd like to ask the same question, but for the other sacrament that our denomination recognizes: baptism.

How does your church perform baptism?

Pastors, what do you do in baptism to reflect your own theological outlook?

UPDATE: Content changed to conform to the rules of English grammar.

Invasion!

Earlier this week, from Ian, I learned of this bizarre news story:

Mexican soldiers and civilian smugglers had an armed standoff with nearly 30 U.S. law enforcement officials on the Rio Grande in Texas Monday afternoon, according to Texas police and the FBI. Mexican military Humvees were towing what appeared to be thousands of pounds of marijuana across the border into the United States, said Chief Deputy Mike Doyal, of the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Department.

Mexican Army troops had several mounted machine guns on the ground more than 200 yards inside the U.S. border -- near Neely's Crossing, about 50 miles east of El Paso -- when Border Patrol agents called for backup. Hudspeth County deputies and Texas Highway patrol officers arrived shortly afterward, Doyal said.

"It's been so bred into everyone not to start an international incident with Mexico that it's been going on for years," Doyal said. "When you're up against mounted machine guns, what can you do? Who wants to pull the trigger first? Certainly not us."

An FBI spokeswoman confirmed the incident happened at 2:15 p.m. Pacific Time.

After some initial outrage, my wife and I reasoned that this was almost certainly not the actions of the Mexican Army under the auspices of that government. More likely the action of corrupt officers, which is quite a problem in Mexico.

Even still, even an unauthorized military incursion across our border, unless immediately followed by an abject apology by President Fox, should be answered forcefully -- airstrikes and such. Not to speak of the catastrophic damage we could wreak on Mexico through economic sanctions alone.

But why on earth would Mexico do something that would indisputably be seen as causus belli?

Thankfully, the story turned out to be false. I was skeptical because although there was confirmation by FBI and Texas officials, this "confirmation" was cited by FoxNews. I've found that that organization tends to toss out a lot of red meat at its viewers -- stories that deliberately outrage or inflame its core audience. And then turn out to be, uh, not quite true. As this photo shows, the alleged Mexican military vehicles were not even humvees, as originally claimed. A little skepticism is a healthy thing.

Prayer Request

Please pray for Grace, whose family is experiencing legal problems.

Clicker Training

Clicker training involves clicking a small box whenever your dog does something good and gets a reward. For example, if your dog performs a trick properly, you might say, "Good boy!" while thumbing the clicker. Eventually, the dog comes to see the click itself as the reward for their action.

So I've been experimenting. Lately, when I say to my wife "I love you" or "You're beautiful" or "Good girl", I click the clicker. I'll keep you updated on Katherine's training progress.

Harmony

Picture in your mind a barbershop quartet composed of jihadists. Then click.

Hat tip.

Caption Contest

Single Pastors

My pastor is 34 and has never been married, much to the consternation of the little old ladies of my church and their apparently endless supply of eligible granddaughters. I have no idea how he does pre-marital and marital counseling, but I imagine that it would be challenging.

How are unmarried pastors seen by congregations, in your experience? How does it effect ministry?

On the Edge

Okay, nobody move. Not an inch. Stay perfectly still.

You know, I really like this candle scent.

No one cares! What the #&*@ were you thinking! Who the @&^% taught you how to drive?!

But he cut me off!

We're halfway off a %&#@ cliff because of you!

Might I suggest that we spend our time more constructively?

Do we have wormsign?

We have beer. Is that good enough?

Great! Beer me.

Leave the *&#$ beer alone! We have to get out of this truck without tipping it over.

Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Someone insisted on letting Shane drive! Now, everyone in the front, let’s slowly move into the back seat. Dracula!

Vhat?

Put Beth down and push yourself over the seat back. O’Reilly!

Wait, I'm busy. On tonight's Talking Points-

Too *&#@ bad! Get ready to catch Dracula as he moves back. If he falls into the backseat, it could shake us off the cliff.

Who would like to sing a song with me?

Maybe a short one.

I always liked Borderline by Madonna.

Madonna is for dorks. I prefer Tuvan throat singing. And pudding.

Butterscotch pudding is the best.













Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! We’re about to die unless we focus on getting off this cliff!













I know a great song about the letter K. It goes like this….














Hey, what is….?

[BANG!]

Okay, who's next?

You killed him!

I never liked him anyway. Jonathon, you remember that time your wallet came up missing?

Yeah?

Stanley took it.

I needed to buy gravy. Lots of it.

What kind?

PAY ATTENTION!

The sleeper must awaken.

My point exactly.

When suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. The cartoon peril was no more.

I'm Not Surprised

Beth Quick chooses the side of evil. Pray for her soul.

Brilliant

This short film won the grand prize in the Intel Indies Film Contest. Without a doubt, it deserved it.

Girlfriend Tech Support

There's no "Undo" button in love. Unfortunately.

Christian Juggler Regrets Years Wasted As Secular Juggler

TUPELO, MS—Born-again Christian juggler Jesse Lindall, 44, said Tuesday he regrets his secular past. "Kids are trying to juggle friends and school, so it can be overwhelming when Satan throws them a temptation—ho!" Lindall said as he added a flaming torch to a circle of juggling pins. "I used to juggle for kicks and some spare change, but now I'm doing it to spread Christ's Word to young people. I only wish I would've used my juggling for a greater purpose years ago. Ho!" Lindall said he is working on a new bit that involves juggling multiplying loaves of bread and fish.

Story link

Incompetent Pastors

Over time, I've noticed a variety of Methobloggers asserting that our appointment system does not provide for a way to remove incompetent pastors from the ministry, but instead moves them from church to church, wounding congregations as they go.

Pastors are frequently defrocked for other reasons (e.g. sex and money), but incompetence is not a chargeable offense under our law. That's probably a good thing, since incompetence would be hard to define other than "I know it when I see it."

What provisions should be made to justly remove a completely ineffective pastor from appointments? What would the process look like if you designed it?

The Right Attitude

Live Every Day As If You're Dying of a Contagious Disease That Turns People You Bite Into Zombies

My dark joy at commanding an army of flesh-eating undead is, of course, balanced by the knowledge that this dark gift will kill me. That knowledge forces me to take a rather poignant and bittersweet view of life. I enjoy my coffee more than I ever have before, drinking it as if it may be my last, checking the barricades on my windows and doors, biting my wife to turn her into a zombie who will now be powerless to resist my will. And just like that, I'm off to work, wide-awake, energized, and ready to go!

All my coworkers have noted the change in me. After all, if living as if I'm dying slowly from a contagious disease that turns the people I bite into flesh-eating zombies has done one thing, it's really taught me who my friends are. Once I bit our office IT guy Lowell every day for three straight weeks, turning a reticent cube drone into both a confidant and a ravenous monster that exists only to consume the flesh of the living. When I told Lowell about my contagious and fatal imaginary disease, he was intrigued. Although he's a ways from taking the bull by the horns and creating a few flesh-eaters of his own, he's treated me with a quiet respect ever since.

Congratulations!

To Wayne of TN Rambler on becoming a Certified Candidate.

Odd Search Terms Used to Find This Blog

John Wilks cage fighting

I can buy that. He does sort of look like a professional wrestler.

Osteen naked

Well, I guess that it's better than searching for "John Hagee naked" or "Shane Raynor naked"

Frylock is gay

Hmm. Well, I have never seen him with a woman. And he seemed to have no interest in that chick in the Dusty Gozongas episode

Definition of the word quality

If you want quality, you've come to the wrong blog, as others have pointed out

Bishop Joel Thomas

[shudder]

Why do rabbits poop a lot

Stop feeding them and that problem will go away, I assure you.

Political Integrity

You may have heard about Joel Stein's recent op-ed in the Los Angeles Times saying openly that he doesn't support the troops (in contrast to a common anti-war position of "against the war, support the troops"). Various pro-war bloggers are offering him backhanded compliments for his honesty. The implication of these statements is that most anti-war people are intellectually dishonest when they claim to be supportive of our soldiers.

Jeff the Baptist thinks that this assessment of anti-war honesty is flawed:

He has officially come out as anti-troops. That makes him intellectually honest. Perhaps the other war protesters are presenting an ideology that isn’t exactly rationally coherent. Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean those "oppose the war, support the troops" protestors are being dishonest with themselves.

I think there has been a real push from the right to impose a version of what the protestors believe onto the protestors themselves. Lets redefine the protestors as dishonest because the stance they hold is logically untenable. If my experience has taught me nothing, it is that people aren’t necessarily reasonable or logical. Some people really do believe six impossible things before breakfast. Most of these people are acting on their feelings and emotion rather than their reason. They feel the war is wrong and that war is hell, but they also feel that a grudging respect for the military fighting for what they, the soldiers, believe is right. War is still hell, but soldiers are still the heroes of their own narrative.

I suppose we might be entitled to some smugness because the pro-war stance is on a sounder philosophical footing. But I don’t think we are entitled to call those other people liars just because they haven’t worked out the incoherency of their own beliefs. Joel Stein might admit he doesn’t respect the troops, but I don’t think it necessarily follows that everyone else also believes the same and are attempting to deceive us.

UPDATE: Bad link removed.

Materialism

Jockeystreet and his wife recently purchased a TiVo. He reflected on the significance of this product:

The acquisition of this particular material convenience brought more stress than relaxation, more difficulty than ease, more anger than pleasure. The convenience of being able to record a show without using a tape, and occasionally being able to pause a live show in order to run to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice, cost us hundreds of dollars, a dozen hours, and a good deal of stress. We lost some of the conveniences we already had.

Some of this, of course, stems from the fact that neither of us has any technical know-how to speak of. A fifteen year old kid raised on iPods and laptops and plasma tvs most likely could have set the thing up in a half hour with none of the difficulties we had. But the TiVo, to me, is sort of an exaggeration of our everyday relationship to things, to acquisitions and accomplishments. It's a clear illlustration of the unhealthy way we view stuff.

Related is Daniel Gross' deliciously savage critique of Anya Kamenetz's Generation Debt.

Methodist Blogger Profile: Mike Holly

Mike Holly of Inside Mike's Head

I’m married to Julie and we are both pastors in Birmingham, Alabama. We’re about to have our first child, Lena. I’m originally from South Carolina and went straight from college to Duke Divinity School for seminary. I’ve worked for the Southeastern Jurisdiction of the United Methodist Church, a Wesley Foundation and am now an associate pastor at a growing suburban church.

Why do you blog?
A friend of mine began blogging in 2004. After graduating from seminary where I was used to writing paper after paper, I figured that it would be a way for me to express my thoughts a part from my congregation. Blogging has become, however, more of a conversation for me, rather than a form of expression. This way, it seems as though we Methodist bloggers are constructing theology. Or rather, we are hashing out our theology in practical ways.

What has been your best blogging experience?
The best experience has been the camaraderie of the Methodist bloggers, engaging in the conversations and leaving uplifting messages. When my still yet-to-be-born baby’s heart had an arrhythmia, several people left messages saying that they would be in prayer. I never thought that blogging would lead to random friends being in prayer for my family!

What would be your main advice to a novice blogger?
Seriously, why would you want to do this? There’s so much pressure when the weekly roundup comes around and you haven’t written anything. So you have to come up with something brilliant you can say…hoping that you’ll get a “Best of the Blogosphere” award in order to stroke your own ego. You have to keep your mind set on being part of the conversation. It’s ok to post something as a thought (even though your write it as a proof or statement of faith) and then have people attack or disagree with you. The whole project is to put something out there that makes people think. But you have to listen to the honest responses that might guide you to a deeper understanding of your own theology. So in one word, focus!

If you only had time to read three blogs a day, what would they be?
Hit the Back Button: http://gavoweb.blogs.com/
St. Phransus: http://stphransus.blogspot.com/
John: http://locustsandhoney.blogspot.com

Who are your spiritual heroes?
I tend to quote Bishop William H. Willimon a lot. That’s because I went to Duke Divinity and he is now my bishop in North Alabama. But my heroes would have to be the German theologians in the 1930’s (mainly Barth and Bonheoffer). Most of modern theology has come from pre-war Germany, where they were battling with the creation of the Third Reich as a new “Roman Imperial Cult” and confronting earlier German theologians’ historical Jesus quest. There is nothing as rich as the confessing movement that admitted that allegiance to Christ trumps any other allegiance there is!

What are you reading at the moment?
I tend to read something heavy and something light at the same time. I just got “The Faith of Jesus Christ” by Richard B. Hays and began reading it. At the same time, I’m reading “Good To Great” by Jim Collins, as suggested to me by my D.S., about how some companies perform well and others perform excellently.

What is your favorite hymn and why?
Well, the one that immediately comes to mind is “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.” When I was in South Africa in 2002 with the Southeastern Jurisdictional worship team, Kadasha, teaching youth ministers – we went to several Dutch Reformed churches that were caged in. Literally, some had barbed wire and guard stations. We sang “A Mighty Fortress Is Our Church” as a joke with a few people. They didn’t find it very funny.

The most meaningful hymn is “Come Thou Fount.” I especially like the last verse: “prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.” It speaks to me about how we all can be like the Israelites approaching God and then avoiding/abandoning God.

Can you name a major moral, political, or intellectual issue on which you've ever changed your mind?
Probably war. In high school and college I studied about Vietnam and I understood why people would protest. However, I only knew Desert Storm. And to me, that looked like a “good” war. It looked as though we had indeed saved lives and executed a war quickly and ended something horrible from happening. However, in reading Barth and Bonheoffer and then learning about the Mennonite anti-war stance, I feel that it is vital that Christians push for the preservation of life in war, just as we fight for the preservation of life in unborn children. I’m not going to engage the “just war” argument yet, because I’m still not sure how I stand there…

What philosophical thesis do you think is most important to combat?
The idea that faith is a just a segment of our lives…a segment of our brains…a choice we have among many choices. Faith and discipleship are never “ideas.” We are baptized into a new people and a new family. How in the world have we made baptism and church membership into the Mall of America…into a “myspace” where you can deny friends or join groups and then leave groups? The idea of individualism will eventually leave us alienated and alone.

If you could effect one major change in the governing of your country, what would it be?
I know a lot of people who are upset about the government asking for Google for records on searches. They’ll just find some boring searches for other people’s sermons on my part. That and some Google Earth looks at my family’s homes.

If you could effect one major policy change in the United Methodist Church, what would it be?
We are inheriting structures that don’t make much sense anymore. We keep some alive because we “believe” that they matter. When in reality, United Methodists continue to become increasingly unaware of their heritage. There is little “institutional loyalty” left. While I cannot imagine a future of our church where there is a “choose how you want to be Methodist” agreement, continuing with structures to maintain order and discipline may not be the answer. We may need to look at the way we are training our clergy or our laity…or in the way we ignore the idea of the “order” of elders – where they are to hold each other theologically and denominationally accountable.

What would be your most important piece of advice about life?
Based on my life history, I’m not so sure I am the kind of person who should be engaging this question. The best thing I can say is that in your life, you have to be honest about who you are. For years, I was under the impression that other people always had the best intentions for me. Or that I could “feel” my way through life. The thing is you’ve got to know who you are in order to make the best decisions. This might mean serious introspection, or it might mean intensive therapy. Whatever gets you to being able to hear the hard truths about yourself and seeing them as growing areas, that’s what you have to do. Knowing that I am a people-pleasing, wimp in a crisis or conflict, idea person means that I have to grow a backbone, make decisions that sometimes don’t please everyone, and grow in my ability to do ground work and orchestrate groups of people. I couldn’t make any headway in that unless I could own up to my shortcomings.

What, if anything, do you worry about?
Right now, that my wife could have a baby at any minute. Meaning that my life stops for an indefinite period of time!!!

If you were to relive your life to this point, is there anything that you'd do differently?
I feel pretty good about my life. Living through those painful years lead me to be able to learn about who I am, so it paid off!

Where would you most like to live (other than where you do now)?
My honest answer would be that I would have a home with the backyard being the mountains and the front yard would be in a downtown neighborhood close to a coffeeshop and music store. Since that is in no way possible, I would love to live in western North Carolina – specifically somewhere equally close to the Blue Ridge Parkway and Asheville.

What do you like doing in your spare time?
I used to hike, but my spare time now consists of getting ready for a child, working on the computer at home, and reading.

What is your most treasured possession?
Sadly as a techno-geek, I have to say my laptop and my iPod mini. It just seems so cliché to admit that.

What talent would you most like to have?
I would love to be able to play more than five chords on my guitar, but I would really love to have a photographic memory. It would help since I don’t have much time to really absorb much!
If you could have any three guests, past or present, to dinner, who would they be?
First of all, it wouldn’t be dinner – it would be one by one at a quiet coffee shop. So how about Zach Braff, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco and Jon Stewart.

Rejected Chance and Community Chest Cards

See what got left out of your Monopoly set.

Hat tip.

Methodist Blogs Weekly Roundup # 49

Here's the week in review in the Methodist blogosphere:

Adam Roberts wrote about a Christian view of greed.

Big Giant wrote about the virture of gentleness.

At Bandits No More, Steve Heyduck wrote about serving as an example to others and Richard Heyduck wrote about maneuvering for appointments at Annual Conference and the possibility of Islam reforming itself.

Ben Witherington reviewed the movie The End of the Spear and blogged about teaching the Bible in public schools and the type of teacher that the apostle James was.

Beth Quick wrote about using prayer stations and reading Martin Luther King's Letter from a Birmingham Jail.

Betty Newman wrote about the obligation that Christians have toward lift us those around us.

Will Willimon blogged about how modern transportation and communication has changed church affiliation.

Brian Russell systematically explained what the Sabbath means and how Christians should respond to it and wrote about the missiological theme in Paul's first letter to Timothy.

Bruce Alderman wrote about a mystical place for him on the Kansas prairie, microlending for economic growth in Africa, and presented a humorous look at a new Bible translation.

Clark Edwards confessed his sins to the blogosphere.

Contending for the Faith offered a checklist for phony Christianity.

Dave Warnock wrote about recumbent trikes and the vision for his church in 2020.

Derek Tang has lost all interest in football for the current season,

Donald Sensing compared the War on Terror to the Allied-German struggle for control of the Atlantic early in WWII, a questionable NYT photo from Afghanistan, and teaching high school Black History in Tennessee.

Steve Heyduck wrote a scathing critique of Jimmy Carter's new book, compared racist and anti-Catholic sentiments in American history, and the implications of being White.

Gavin Richardson blogged about Christian sea cruises and his recent experience quietly evangelizing to skaters.

Gerry Charlotte Phelps compared human and elephant societies, who God sends into ministry, the inefficiency of public education, the demographics of Europe, and the state of public education in Wisconsin.

Greg Crofford wrote about state laws regarding gay marriage and computer records privacy issues.

Greg Hazelrig found Jesus in the victims and rescue workers from Katrina and wrote about the unconscious practice of prooftexting.

Gregory Lee reviewed The Book of Daniel and found it to be a mixed bag (Best of the Methodist blogosphere!) and the theft of Christian identity.

Mike Holly wrote that understanding the problem of sin requires reading the Bible as a grand narrative rather that individual pericopes.

Jay Voorhees blogged about sexual morality in the UMC pastorate.

John Battern reviewed the book The Barbarian Way.

John Wilks wrote about living as if Jesus will return today, the assurance of salvation, and the experience of a youth lock-in.

Jonathon Norman wrote about his and Gavin's recent trip to a seminar at Epworth and his upcoming class on the theology of atonement.

Josh Tinley reviewed Barbara Ehrenreich's new book and remembering Martin Luther King.

Ken Carter reported in from a mission trip to Haiti.

Larry Hollon wrote about the rise of China as a global power and combating malaria in Uganda.

Lawson Stone blogged about Jerusalem University College, using archaeology to tell the Biblical story, and specifically, the story of Jesus at the Sea of Galilee.

Maobi wrote about the ongoing controversy about possession of a body of a Muslim apostate, Islamic courts in Malaysia, life under dhimmitude, and what Malaysians can learn from Martin Luther King (Best of the Methodist blogosphere!).

Mark Winter blogged about prayer as a way to ward off depression.

Michael Daniel is leaving his current appointment. He is skeptical of the prayer-in-schools movement and wrote about school voucher programs in Arkansas.

Mike Lamson explored the Jewish roots of the Christian faith from an emergent perspective and being humble when a church member lets you down.

Jeff Lutz wrote about Ray Nagin's prophetic call of God's judgment on America.

Olive Morgan blogged about the Methodist Church (UK) weeding out pedophiles among job applicants and the Make Poverty History campaign.

Peter Raser wrote about timing and the Kingdom of God.

Joe Tiedemann blogged about cynical attitudes toward God.

Dan Gates wrote that conservative Methodists should "just say no" to heterodoxy.

Lorna Koskela is concerned about liberals hiding under her bed. She also wrote about the Biblical portrayal of God as a parent and residential life at her Estonian seminary.

Sky Lowe-McCracken wrote about the vengeance of Elvis.

Stephen Fife blogged about the morality of homosexuality.

Steven Webster wrote about the White House Easter Egg Roll controversy.

Movable Theoblogical wrote about blogging like an authentic Christian.

Thoughts from a Clay Pot blogged about keeping up a regular blogging schedule.

Tony Mitchell preached on misunderstandings about the Rapture.

Shane Raynor wrote about the shutdown of a UMC congregation in Georgia.

Andy Stoddard lectionary blogged for the Second Sunday after Epiphany.

Andy Bryan wrote that the Christian faith requires heavy demands of its adherents beyond simply abandoning sin.

Chris Morgan blogged about the habit of tuning God out and labeling what's important in life.

Additions? Corrections? Do you know of a blog that should be added to the MBWR? Leave a note in the comments or e-mail locustandhoney2005 at yahoo dot com!

UPDATE: Chris Morgan and Andy Bryan added to the list. More material added to Bandits No More.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Severely misunderstood post of Olive Morgan corrected.

Subliminal Advertising

I don't know much about Canadian politics, but I have read of a controversial 30-second spot blasting Conservative PM candidate Stephen Harper as a Bush crony.

Fortunately, you don't need to know much about Canadian politics to find these parodies hilarious.

Hat tip.

Sexual Misconduct in the Pastorate

Jay Voorhees has an interesting post up about the defrocking of yet another UMC pastor for sexual misconduct and the implications for ministerial candidacy and The Book of Discipline.
Anecdotally, it seems that I hear so many stories about church experiences that involve "and then the pastor was caught in an affair...." It's like every church has lost a pastor to sexual misconduct!

This calls for quantitative study, and of course there are many. But I wonder: how many UMC pastors, if commissioned at age 25 fresh out of seminary, make it to retirement without committing or facing successful charges of sexual misconduct? What is our casualty rate? And how does it compare with the laity?

I don't know for sure, but it seems awfully high.

New Methoblog

Missionary and professor Greg Crofford has created a new blog with a theological emphasis.

Weekend Rabbit Blogging

I videoblogged it this week. Check it out.

Methoblogger Meetup

Gavin is working on arranging a nationwide meetup for us. Methobloggers, please link to Gavin's post and join the discussion. Maybe we can get this idea off the ground.

Life in Hell

Hit play and then pause for a minute so that the video will completely load. Then "play" again.

The comedian is of, course, the great Rowan Atkinson in his famous Hell sketch.

Bloggy Awards

I'm deeply honored that the good people and rabbits of the Methoblogosphere voted to award me "Best Blog Site" and "Most Amusing." Thanks!

By the way -- the award for "Most Likely to Track Down John the Methodist and Bodyslam Him" went to Beth Quick.

Fasting

Matthew 6:16-18

Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

What do you think of the spiritual discipline of fasting?

Camp Lutherland

Real Live Preacher found this picture in the door of the public library of Schertz, Texas:

This is funny on so many levels that I wasn't sure how to even begin blogging about it. Schertz is a small town on the outskirts of San Antonio, and is where my wife grew up. She worked in this library as a teenager and knows the town librarian personally.

Ah, my dear sweet in-laws and their little town! When Katherine and I started dating seriously, they had grave concerns. Marriage would not only mean leaving South Texas permanently (her whole family has been there for several generations), but the shocking horror that she would be marrying outside of the Missouri Synod Lutheran Church (LCMS).

You do realize, of course, that if you're not in the LCMS that you're going straight to hell, right?

LCMSers are unintentionally hilarious people. For example, when there is a dispute over Biblical interpretation, they say, "Let us go back and read the Scripture passage in the original German." They are a fascinating anthropological study. Thank God that I do not live there.

Anyway, Katherine thinks that the flyer was more likely created by a Mexican employee who is unlikely to know who is MLK, Jr. or why there is a holiday named after him. The people of Schertz, she assures me, are those this blindingly insensitive.

Hat tip to Andy Bryan.

Happy First Blogiversary!

To Andy Bryan

Rubbing Shoulders

There's a trustee conference at Asbury/Orlando this week. So all of these are trustees are hanging around campus, going to meetings and whatnot.

A classmate and I sat down to lunch on the patio. Two guys with trustee nametags came over and asked to join us. So we sat and talked, mostly about why we had chosen Asbury over other seminaries. The two trustees asked various questions about our backgrounds, so out of politeness, I reciprocated. "So, what do you two do for a living?"

"I'm the Bishop of North Carolina."

Oh. Gulp.

The other guy: "I'm President of the Judicial Council." [for you non-Methodists, that's like Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.]

Double gulp.

They didn't like revealing who they were because, they said, it tended to change the way people interacted with them. Particularly the JC fellow, who has been the target of much -- ahem -- disparagement of late. So my classmate and I did them the courtesy of not treating them like the extremely powerful people that they were. We've both kind of outgrown that sort of behavior anyway.

Methodist Blogger Profile: Matthew Johnson

Matthew Johnson of Pastor At Large

I am a United Methodist pastor in Arkansas, my home state. I'm a 2000 graduate of the University of Arkansas and a 2003 graduate of Asbury Theological Seminary. My wife and I have been married nearly 5 years and we have a one year old daughter. Being a dad is probably the best thing ever.

Why do you blog?
I started blogging at the Boar's Head Tavern in February or March of 2002 because I thought it looked like fun. Granted, group-blogging is a little different, but I really enjoyed the interaction. I continue to blog, both on the BHT and my own, because I like to write and I like to journal. I've been writing in a journal of some form since I was about 13 and blogging is just one of those forms.

What has been your best blogging experience?
Going after my vanity, eh? Honestly, having Shane and Dr. Stone write that they read the blogs I post on (BHT and my own, respectively) and mention me by name. That was pretty cool.

What would be your main advice to a novice blogger?
Don't go on big name blogs like Dr. Witherington's and write stuff in the comment section like "Check out my comments on your post over at my blog -- www.n00b.org". It's annoying.

If you only had time to read three blogs a day, what would they be?
I use bloglines and keep my finger on about 100 blogs a day and you want me to narrow it down to three? Sheesh, man. I guess the three I couldn't live without (other than the BHT since I post there, too) Instapundit, Internet Monk, and Doc Stone.

Who are your spiritual heroes?
N.T. Wright, Eugene Peterson, Bob Tuttle, Thomas Merton.

What are you reading at the moment?
That's funny. You're asking a real live, psychiatrist diagnosed ADD person what he's reading at the moment?
New Testament and the People of God - N.T. Wright
The Drama of Scripture - Bartholomew & Goheed;
Tanakh - JPS translation of the OT
The Five Books of Moses – Robert Alter (This and the last one I'm reading for Invitation to the OT)
Colossians Remixed - Walsh and Keesmaat
Following Jesus - N.T. Wright
Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ - John Piper

What is your favorite hymn and why?
And Can it Be – It's the Asbury fight song. And because on a day I was really struggling, I happened to read Romans 8:1, heard Dr. Killian preach on getting the grace we don't deserve, and we sang this song. OK, God, I get the point!

Can you name a major moral, political, or intellectual issue on which you've ever changed your mind?
In the 11 years I've been a registered voter, I've been a Democrat, a Republican, and an Independent. I think I now practice what I've heard Scot McKnight call a purple politics. I'm still mostly a conservative on social issues, but I'm also uncomfortable with the current War on Terrorism and I'm turning into a real Greenie on environmental issues (which, as Dr. Stone pointed out in his profile, is something that conservatives should be doing--protecting the environment).

What philosophical thesis do you think is most important to combat?
Epistemology. Just kidding. Gosh, I'm so over my head when it comes to philosophy it's not funny. As someone deeply concerned with communication, I have some major disagreements with deconstructionism. I'm not to happy with relativism, either. It seems to me that they both lack common sense, which, if you'd met my Philosophy prof in college, you would be able to see why I think that.

If you could effect one major change in the governing of your country, what would it be?
Flush lobbyists. They are the intestinal parasites of American politics.

If you could effect one major policy change in the United Methodist Church, what would it be?
Everyone says "guaranteed appointments" and I'm inclined to agree. I also think that there are too many who have risen far beyond their level of competence so I'm pretty set against a guaranteed move up. It's not fair for the churches.

What would be your most important piece of advice about life?
Don't procrastinate.

What, if anything, do you worry about?
My child's safety. 24 hours a day.

If you were to relive your life to this point, is there anything that you'd do differently?
Yeah, most of it has to do with college and if printed would probably get you in trouble with Asbury's Ethos Statement, so I'll just say that I'd do college differently.

Where would you most like to live (other than where you do now)?
Regensburg, Germany. We lived there when I was a kid (Dad was in the Army). Awesome place. Awesome memories.

What do you like doing in your spare time?
Read, play guitar, mess around with Garageband and attempt to podcast.

What is your most treasured possession?
My Powerbook.

What talent would you most like to have?
I'd like to be a wicked lead guitarist.

If you could have any three guests, past or present, to dinner, who would they be?
N.T. Wright, Bob Dylan, and Rivers Cuomo.

UMC Congregation Shut Down

Dissension closes Methodist church

BUFORD, Ga., Jan. 19 (UPI) -- A 200-year-old church in Georgia has been shut down because internal faction fights keep members from getting along with their pastors.

While the closing last June was supposed to be a temporary cooling-off period after the church managed to wear out four pastors in five years, the former congregants are angrier than ever, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. They are banned from entering the grounds of Sardis United Methodist Church except to tend graves of relatives in the cemetery.

Members who sued to get the church reopened lost when a judge ruled that the denomination owns its affiliated churches. Some dissidents within the congregation had their own services in the picnic area and attempted to enter the building by breaking the locks. On one occasion the denomination called the police and security guards now patrol the property.

I think that this is the church's website. Or maybe this one. I'll research it and try to get it figured out.

UPDATE: In the comments, Derek and Wayne point out that I am linking to incorrect websites. Thanks for the fact-check.

Slipping Away

Yesterday, in my introductory pastoral counseling class, we discussed caring for families afflicted with Alzheimer's Disease. It reminded me of a particular Alzheimer's patient in a previous church.

Tim had been a doctor during his professional life, but his passion was for art. He used a wide variety of media, but most preciously, watercolors. He was fond of sitting in his backyard garden painting the wonders of the natural world.

After he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he developed a particular fascination with colors. Tim often pointed out everyday objects, such as a leaf or a stone, and marveled at its hue -- as though the disease had gifted him with an ability to see a depth to color that the rest of us were blind to. To Tim, color had become a profound concept -- like a whole different way of seeing the world.

As he slipped away from our world, Tim had apparently come to believe that he was no longer in the material, temporal world, but had stepped inside a watercolor canvas. In his mind, he was literally part of a painting -- to his uninhibited delight.

I can't conceive of a more beautiful dementia. May we all be so afflicted.

Mmmm. Bacon

Taiwanese scientists breed glow-in-the-dark pigs.


Hat tip.

UPDATE: Hey! I never promised Pulitzer-level stuff at this blog!

Methodist Blogger Profile: Bruce Alderman

Bruce Alderman of It Seems to Me...

I'm a member of East Heights United Methodist Church in Wichita, Kansas. I'm married to Nicki since 2002, and have a 2 ½ year old son Iain (the name means “God's gracious gift”). I've been blogging since July of 2005.

Why do you blog?
I started reading others' blogs last spring, and occasionally leaving comments. My pastor, Barry, suggested that I start my own blog because he thought I had some good things to say. I had already been thinking about doing so, but was not sure whether anyone would read it. I'm still not sure whether anyone reads it.

What has been your best blogging experience?
Writing posts about my own personal journey, including some of my struggles, and getting encouraging and positive responses.

What would be your main advice to a novice blogger?
It can require a huge time commitment. Have an idea, before you start, of how much time you want to devote to blogging, whether it be an hour a day or ten minutes a week. Whatever you decide, post new material on a regular basis, however often that may be.

If you only had time to read three blogs a day, what would they be?
If I could only read three blogs a day, it would take me a month and a half to get through them.

Seriously, this is probably the hardest of all these questions for me to answer. Rather than narrow it down to three favorites, I'd like to mention a few that some Methodists might not be familiar with. I'm going to list, in the style of the Hebrew prophets...
Three of my favorite blogs by non-Methodists,
Four outside the Methodist blogosphere:

Monastic Mumblings http://monasticmumblings.typepad.com/
Today at the Mission http://www.mission.squarespace.com/
I am a Christian Too http://iamachristiantoo.org/
Melancthon Sins Boldly http://sinningboldly.blogspot.com/

Who are your spiritual heroes?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Oscar Romero for stepping out of their comfort zones when circumstances brought their faith into conflict with their nations' rulers. Martin Luther King, Jr and Dorothy Day for their consistent witness for social justice. Thomas Merton for his practical mysticism. Jesus for being all of these things and more.

What are you reading at the moment?
Naming the Silences by Stanley Hauerwas
Ordinary Resurrections by Jonathan Kozol

What is your favorite hymn and why?
The central American hymn Tu Has Venido a la Orilla (“Lord You Have Come to the Lakeshore”).
In February 2000 I went to Guatemala with a VIM team to help rebuild a church that had been destroyed in that country's civil war. We had a worship service on Thursday evening in the half-finished church building, with only a string of 60-watt bulbs to light the sanctuary. The VIM team had learned the English words to this hymn to share with our hosts. As we sang, the congregation joined us in Spanish and we all sang praises to God together in two languages in a room that was almost dark. It's an experience I'll never forget.

Can you name a major moral, political, or intellectual thesis on which you've ever changed your mind?
Several things come to mind. I guess the biggest one is the way I understand the Bible. In the past I've gone to two extremes, first taking it all literally, then taking it mostly allegorically. Now I understand it as a story, and look for ways that it can impact and influence my own life story.

What philosophical thesis do you think is most important to combat?
The idea that is is more important to be right than to be loving.

If you could effect one major change in the governing of your country, what would it be?
Reduce the influence of corporate money in politics.

If you could effect one major policy change in the United Methodist Church, what would it be?
I must admit, I'm not familiar enough with church policies to know what I would want to change.

What would be your most important piece of advice about life?
Take calculated risks. It's better to have tried and failed than to regret that you never took the chance.

What, if anything, do you worry about?
I worry that nobody really likes me. It's a pathology I've had since childhood.

If you could relive your life to this point, is there anything that you'd do differently?
I would take a year off during college, and travel around the world.

Where would you most like to live, other than where you do now?
Central America

What do you like doing in your spare time?
Writing, playing chess, playing the piano, gardening, and hiking

What is your most treasured possession?
my journal

What talent would you most like to have?
The ability to start conversations with strangers. I'm very awkward in social settings.

If you could have any three guests, past or present, to dinner, who would they be?
J. R. R. Tolkien, Bill Bryson, and Marcus Borg
Kind of an eclectic group, but they are all writers whose works I enjoy.

Life on the Plantation

On Martin Luther King Day, Sen. Hillary Clinton accused Republicans of running the House of Representatives "like a plantation." Ace of Spades describes how this is so:

10. Just like on a plantation, it's still all about the cotton, sugar & tobacco

9. The most junior slaves on a plantation were invariably assigned the least desirable offices, often in the basement of the Russel Building

8. Congressmen are paid over $170,000 per year, just a fraction more than what slaves were paid; plus, slaves had to pay for their own stamps, if you can imagine such barbarism

7. Slaves were often subject to the indignity of being jetted off to Boca Raton golf courses to be lobbied on okra subsidies

6. Two words: "Majority Whip." Do I have to spell it out for you?

Read the rest. Especially #1.

Sexual and Gender Boundaries in Pastoral Counseling

Most male pastors -- if not most men in general -- have a healthy paranoia about being alone with a woman in the workplace, lest there be misunderstanding by third parties, or outright deception by the woman, about what occurs behind closed doors. Accusations or rumors of sexual harassment or misconduct can destroy a church and its pastor.

Pastoral counseling, by its nature, requires privacy and discretion, further complicating efforts to avoid such accusations (or temptations to cross intimate boundaries). Some male pastors, I have heard, refer a female parishioner to a female counselor after the first session.

I raised this practice with my counseling professor today and asked what he thought. He said that he found such policies repugnant and a repudiation of pastoral duty to opposite-sex members.

Yet there are very real dangers to pastors, not only in false accusations, but in the temptation to sin adulterously. There must be a balance somewhere so that opposite-sex parishioners are not neglected.

How do you think pastors should address gender boundaries in counseling?

And although what I have written addresses the risk to male pastors, we should not neglect how these issues effect female clergy. I ask that female ministers and laypeople also share their thoughts on the subject.